The Sisterhood

Frenemies

2010-03-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

Ever have a friend who kinda wasn't always a friend? A frenemy, perhaps? It seems like the line gets blurred easily. Has a friend ever teased you, but it wasn't really funny, but more mean? How do you handle this? And why do girls sometimes focus conversation and gossip on others' body shape and size? Is it to make themselves feel better? Do you think guys do this? Our Pine Lake Sisters said that they've heard mostly older girls talking about this kind of stuff, like girls getting 'rated' or called fat. The group consensus was to not put up with it if you hear it. If someone insults you, don't take it, but also make sure you don't insult them back...then you're no better than they are. If the person won't listen to you, the Sisters agreed that it was good to ask for help from parents, friends and your school. They also thought it unburdens you to talk about a problem with someone else. What do you think?

Happy Thoughts Rule!

2010-01-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

Well, a lot of us have hit the Winter doldrums. It's the time of year when it's still dark and kinda cold, yet there are signs of Spring everywhere. Problem is, we're only a month into Winter. What's a Sister to do? Well, today at Sisterhood, we had a sweet little discussion about things that make us happy. You know, raindrops on roses...that kind of thing. Here's the list of our favorite things:
*knitting
*laughing babies
*being outside in any weather
*thoughts of summer, including swimming pools and diving boards
*the rain
*being with friends on the soccer field
*snowboarding
*special time with my mom
*my mom, in general
*getting a puppy (Ms.Hill will be bringing Maisie home in a few weeks...)
*lighting a candle on a cloudy day
*the beach (this one is from the birthday girl, Ms.Hardy)
*watching people dance
*the clean and fresh smell of the air after it rains
*a good practical joke--both playing one and being the recipient

What are your favorite things, Sister? Leave a comment...

Healthy Risk-Taking

2010-01-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

First, bring a well-loved recipe to share with your Sisters and we will put together a cookbook for you to enjoy.

Second, let's talk about taking risks. Teacher Sister, Ms. Knutson, shared about her 17 year daughter taking a risk and trying out for a play. She had always wanted to be in a play, had no experience and just went for it. She got a part and while it was challenging at the beginning when she didn't know any of the 'theatre kids' or what to expect from play practice, she soon got the hang of it and the other kids took her under their wing. She had a very positive experience, absolutely loved it! And Ms. Knutson loved watching her daughter try something new and kinda scary into a positive experience!

We asked the Sisters what risks have they have taken in their lives. Here were some of their responses:
* One Sister always wanted to enter Reflections but didn't think she was good enough. Now she's in the top 2 in the district and going to State.
* One Sister tried out for a play, and even though she didn't get a part, she still felt she did well and is encouraged to try again.

And here are some dreams that they hope to make come true:
* to invent a pollution-free car
* to start a tiger sanctuary
* to be a rocket designer for NASA
* to be a professional screen writer in Hollywood
* to be an architect and own her own firm
* to be an author

What's your dream? And Sister, what's stopping you???

What's Cookin' at the Sisterhood

2010-01-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

Today, we started chatting about FOOD! Turns out we have many budding chefs in our Sisterhood. Many Sisters shared their favorite things to cook, from baked goods to Swedish pancakes, to Thai and Mediterranean dishes. We also reminisced about our favorite foods that our family members cook. If we hadn't been eating lunch, I'm sure there would have been lots of growling tummies! Maybe one of these days, we'll even do an after-school cooking event? Would you be interested? Leave a comment! What would you like to learn how to cook? Sharing good food with good friends is Sisterhood at its finest! Bon Appetit!

New Year's Resolutions AND The Paper Bag Princess

2010-01-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, Sisters! Today we talked about our new year's resolutions and then read the children's book, The Paper Bag Princess (thanks, Ms. Knutson). Several Sisters shared their resolutions. Many wanted to read more, get more exercise and improve their grades. What's your new year's resolution? Please comment!

We also read the fantastic book, The Paper Bag Princess. The main things about the book that jumped out at us were:
* Don't judge someone based on their appearance.
* Keep trying...don't give up.
* Stay true to your beliefs.
* Call a bum a bum.
* Recognize that it takes courage to break pre-conceived expectations and do the right thing.

Any other thoughts, please leave a comment. See you next week, Sisters.

A Season for Giving

2009-12-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

Today we talked about this Season of Giving that is upon us. Our PLMS gift drive is a thing to behold, but we also wondered if the Sisters have any family traditions of giving to those in need during the holidays. Several Sisters shared about ways they give, such as adopting a family, donating animals to families in need through Heifer International, volunteering your time, or even keeping some one dollar bills or quarters in your pockets when you're out shopping to give to the Salvation Army bell ringers. Every little bit helps! And it feels good to give to others who need more than you do.

What do you do to help others during the holidays, and anytime, really? Please leave a comment...who knows, you might just inspire someone else to give.

Peace on Earth, good will to men (and SISTERS)!

Sage Sisters

2009-11-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

Today at Sisterhood, we talked about a letter from the Ask Amy column in the Seattle Times. Then we asked the Sisters to weigh in with their advice. Here's the letter:

Dear Amy,
My husband and I have a 6 year old daughter. Looking down the road, I'm wondering, how do we help her to develop a sense of self-respect and self-esteem? In a society where thin is everything and being popular is a matter of selling yourself out, what message should we give her? I'm not in the Dark Ages but not sure how to give our daughter the armor she needs to go forth and be her own person. --A Mom and Dad

Here's the advice our Pine Lake Sisters gave:
* No matter how you look or what people tell you, you're always you and that's beautiful! Don't let anyone tell you who you should be. And don't be someone you're not.
* Buy clothes you like, ones that make you feel good. Don't buy something just because it's trendy. I have a friend who wears red plaid every day because she likes it (Shout out to Fiona!!).
* You reap what you sow. Your actions and behaviors come back to you, so do good things an good things will come back to you.
* People are unpredictable. Be ready and open and people may surprise you.
* Never join in with bullying. Anyone who bullies someone else is probably miserable inside.
* Don't judge someone based on their appearance.
* Be your original self.
* Sometimes you don't know who you are or what your personality is. It takes time to figure this out, so give yourself some time and be patient (this is actually a lifelong process).
* Give your kids a chance to be responsible with money and in other areas of life, too.
* Don't give kids everything they want because they won't be as appreciative. Also others can't really relate and may also feel jealous. If you have to work hard to earn something it feels good and satisfying and makes you more confident and self-reliant.
* Choose your role models wisely. If you idolize a celebrity, ask yourself why? Is it for her internal qualities or for external ones?

You know, it's funny that the Sisters gave practically the same advice as 'Ask Amy'. If you have other advice to share, please leave a comment! I think it's important for all Sisters, young and older (ahem!) to do our best to take this excellent advice and incorporate it into our lives. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Sisters!

We Believe...

2009-11-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

Talking about princesses at last week's Sisterhood got me thinking about how I believe we are responsible for our own happily ever afters. Then I started thinking about other beliefs that I hold true. So today at the Sisterhood, we broke into groups and finished the sentence, "I believe..." Here are some of the things we believe...

...in the power of small kindnesses.
...in balance, i.e. joy balancing sorrow and so on.
...no one should have teh right to tease or pressure anyone else.
...in our faith.
...in chocolate!
...that you can transform yourself into whatever you want--like when you're swimming and you pretend you're a mermaid. :-)
...in individuality.
...that you choose to be happy.
...manners go a long way.
...in hard work.
...in curiosity and questioning.

What do you believe? Please leave a comment and don't. stop. believing. (hold on to that feeeeeeeling...80s song reference...sorry!)

Princess Much?

2009-11-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

Today at Sisterhood, we talked about princesses! We discussed why so many girls have played princess dress-up games and here were some of the reasons:
* because princesses always live happily ever after
* because it's a fun costume to wear and you feel pretty
* because we like to emulate our favorite fairy tale princesses
* because we like to fantasize about someone else rescuing, pampering or just taking care of us
* because we like to dream and use our imaginations.

But...several Sisters also had some other thoughts. Some thought being a princess is overrated. In real life, being a princess is a lot of work! Real princesses have to know about world events, foreign policy, politics and may even be the ruler of their country. Some thought the media and even parents are guilty of marketing the 'princess ideal' to girls. And some Sisters didn't care for the message that you have to wait around for your Prince Charming to rescue you! One Sister even said that a true princess isn't afraid to rescue herself! Love that!! Other Sisters identified with the new movie, 'The Princess and the Frog.' They liked how she's a strong princess who saves others, and doesn't sit around waiting for others to save her. The Sisters also liked how she is ethnically diverse from most other princesses; that not all princesses are white. Princess Fiona in the Schrek movies also is a strong role model who is very capable and comfortable with her looks, even though they may not be considered conventionally beautiful. The Sisters also mentioned the Princess Protection Program as a show where the princesses are positive role models, too.

I think we can agree that it's all about balance. Enjoy your princess fantasy, but be responsible for creating your own happily ever after!

What do you think? Who's your favorite princess and why? And what are you doing to make all your own dreams come true?

A Sexy Halloween??? Now That's SCARY!!!!

2009-10-29T12:47:00.001-07:00

Today at Sisterhood, we talked about all things Halloween. One of the things we've noticed is that almost any costume marketed toward a girl (big or small), is now SEXY. A sexy witch, a sexy cat, a sexy zombie cheerleader and on and on...What is up with that? Some Sisters thought that it might be done to make more money for the costume companies, because $ex $ells. Or maybe it's because some girls today (older teens, mostly) want to show off their bodies and get attention from guys. One Sister said that girls used to want to just look pretty, but now they want to look sexy. What do you think? Please leave a comment and give us your opinion.

I also asked the Sisters how many of them had ever dressed up as a princess for Halloween? Almost every hand in the room went up. Why do you think this is? Please leave a comment!!!

Have a very happy and safe Halloween, and just say NO to SEXY costumes, Sisters!

Texting and Facebook and Twitter, OH MY!

2009-10-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today at Sisterhood we discussed the role technology plays in our lives. A lot of the Sisters talked about the huge amounts of texts they send and receive each month. Several Sisters don't text at all and felt like they weren't missing a thing, while others wished they had phones so they could text. Sometimes, though, texting removes us from actually communicating face to face or on the phone with our friends. While it may be quicker, it's less personal. Like when PLMS kids get out of school and they instantly start texting their friends...who are walking down the halls right next to them! What's your opinion on texting? Please leave a comment and tell us.

We also talked about online social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Some Sisters mentioned how friends who use these sites are actually less social with them that before. Do you think that's ironic? We also talked a little bit about feeling left out if you're not on Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace. Have you ever felt like this? Please leave a comment.

We'll talk more about this next week, as many girls still had things to say when the bell rang. In the meantime, enjoy your technology, but don't let it shield you from the face-to-face interactions that are what real life is all about. See you next week, Sisters!

Discussion Topics for future Sisterhood Lunches

2009-10-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks for attending the Sisterhood today! We spent our time today brainstorming future topics that you would like to talk about at Sisterhood. Ms. Elliot and I are always open to new topics and really want to make Sisterhood relevant to you. So keep those ideas coming! We came up with a pretty good list below, but feel free to leave a comment and suggest other topics :) Thanks for coming Sisters! Enjoy this beautiful weather!

-Parent Issues
-Gossip/Texting
-Sharing fun weekend plans
-Favorite books
-Boys and immaturity
-What's cool, What's not
-How to stand up for yourself
-Dove Campaign for beauty: video
-Dealing with pressure
-Moments when you wanted to be invisible
-Feeling left out

For BLunchers we've decided to take a break from meeting every week. We've invited those dedicated B lunch sisters to attend the first Thursday of the month during A lunch Sisterhood (yes, this means you will get out of class that day!) Just check in with your 4th period teacher and make sure they are ok with it. See you soon

Sometimes it's hard to just be yourself

2009-10-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

Today at Sisterhood, we talked about how it's hard sometimes to just be yourself. Even if you have let go of the idea about being perfect (nobody is!), 'being yourself' can change depending on who you're with. Think about it, do you act the same way around your family, your new friends, your old friends, your teachers or your crush? Why or why not? Leave a comment!

We discussed possible reasons for this, like not wanting to feel left out. But it always comes back to the fact that people will like you best when you're being authentic. Playing a part in your own life gets old pretty quickly! Have you ever felt this way? Leave a comment!

Sometimes in middle school (and beyond, sorry to report), people compete for a friend's attention. Has this happened to you? Why do you think people do this? Leave a comment and tell us!

If you have somehow managed to overcome this type of stuff, how did you do it? What messages do you tell yourself to help you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of adolescence? You guessed it...leave a comment.

Learning from each other is a big part of Sisterhood. Thanks for coming today, and thanks in advance for your comments left here. Your voice matters, Sister!

Welcome to the '09-'10 Sisterhood!

2009-09-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Wow--what a great turn-out today. Thanks for coming, Sisters. It was great to see some familiar faces as well as so many new ones! We talked a little about why you come to Sisterhood and lots of you said the same thing: to meet new people, to get to speak your mind without being judged or worrying about what boys will think, and to just be yourself! This is what the Sisterhood is all about and we look forward to hearing your opinions this year.

Our discussion topic today was letting go of being perfect. We talked about the difference between people (you, your parents, etc.) wanting you to do your best and people wanting you to be something you're not. One Sister in A Lunch talked about her big sister wanting her to be a perfect girly girl, but she's more of an athlete. We talked about how expectations like that can make you feel pressure to change. Have you ever experienced this kind of pressure? How many of you have felt pressure to look a certain way? Dress a certain way? What does that feel like? Please post a comment and let us know.

We hope the Sisterhood of the Traveling Lunches will help free you to just be yourself. Because, to us, that's just PERFECT!

Thanks for a GREAT year, Sisters!

2009-06-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

Keep it real over the summer. Try to live every day with joy, hope, and a grateful heart. As Bob Marley once sang, "Don't worry about a thing. Every little thing's gonna be alright." It really will.

See you in the fall, 6th and 7th grade Sisters. And good luck to all of our 8th grade Sisters...we'll miss you! No matter what grade you're in, you'll always be a part of Pine Lake's Sisterhood of the Traveling Lunches. As the great poet, Mary Oliver, wrote:

"Love yourself first, then forget, and love the world."

Tori's Wisdom

2009-05-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today we were honored to have Tori, a Skyline HS senior (and former PLMS-er), talk to us about her middle school experiences with mean girls and low self-esteem, ultimately leading to an eating disorder. She was very courageous to share her struggles with the Sisters and we had some great discussions in both lunches. Many of us can relate to what Tori went through in middle school. Girls whom she thought were her friends said mean things about her and it was very hurtful. She wore a mask every day that showed that nothing was wrong, but inside she was hurting. Everyday she pretended to be happy, but she wasn't. And since she couldn't control what the girls said, she focused on what she could control: what she put in her mouth. Her anorexia started in 7th grade and she has been in treatment for the last 5 years. It hasn't been easy to get to where she is now, but she has a wisdom about her that you don't usually find in an 18 year old girl.

Tori was kind enough to share a few of the things she learned with us:
* She learned how to pick the right friends, true friends who support you instead of tearing you down.
* She learned that wearing a mask is a lot of work and it gets very tiring hiding who you really are.
* She learned not to listen to what "they" say about her.
* When her mom made her get treatment for her eating disorder, she was MAD. Now looking back, she wishes she would have been made to get help sooner.
* She thought her mom wouldn't understand what she was going through...but she did.
* She learned that it's important to talk about things that bother you, not just keep them inside and act like nothing's wrong.

What did you learn from Tori?

And why do girls have such fragile self-esteem?

Please post a comment. And Tori, from all your Pine Lake Sisters...Thank You!

Spring Break

2009-04-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today at Sisterhood we had an easy-breezy (more like, cold-rainy-breezy) discussion about what we'll be up to over Spring Break next week. Some of the Sisters are travelers and will be visiting New York, California, Hawaii, Oregon, Ohio, Pennsylvania, eastern Washington, and various ski slopes. Others will just enjoy a niiiice week off at home. What are you doing over break? And what do you want to discuss at The Sisterhood when you return? Leave a comment, and have a great one, Sista!

We Can Speak Louder Than Ignorance

2009-03-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

We had some great discussions at both Sisterhood lunches today. It all started by a Sister saying how tired she was of defending her German heritage to ignorant people who only associate Germans with Nazis or good chocolate (the latter didn't bother her too much). Over both lunches the Sisters shared their own experiences with dealing with ignorant hurtful comments. Sometimes, people don't mean to be offensive, they just don't know any better. Sometimes they do. How do you deal with ignorant, hurtful, comments--whether racist, sexist, homophobic or??? The Sisters shared ideas about this, like:
*Tell them how you feel!
*Ask them if they know what they said was offensive.
*Tell them they should learn more about _____ before they talk about it.
*Ask them if they are trying to make you feel bad.
*Tell them, "Hmmm, I had always pegged you as someone who was open-minded and accepting. Thanks for letting me know how you really are."

The bottom line is to speak up if you are offended or if you witness someone else being mistreated. You may not change the person's point of view, but you'll feel better knowing your silence won't be interpreted as agreement.

We also discussed whether it's ok to make fun of something or use certain words if you belong to the group you're describing. For instance, a blond telling blond jokes. Or African-American rappers using the N word. Is this ok with you? Is it hypocritical? Leave a comment and speak your mind, Sister!

Have You Ever Had A Crush On A Fictional Character?

2009-03-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

We had a fun discussion at Sisterhood today. It ranged from Cirque du Soleil to Twilight. We discussed the lure of the bad boy, the rebel; a guy with confidence to be himself, in an edgy sort of way (not a dangerous sort of way). Does the bad boy persona appeal to you? Why or why not? We also talked and laughed about our crushes on fictional characters, such as Edward Cullen, Harry Potter, Capt.Jack Sparrow, and even certain anime characters. Who's your fictional crush? Leave a comment, Sister!

How Green Are You?

2009-03-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today we talked about Pine Lake's upcoming kick-off of our new food recycling program. It's on March 30 and it's going to be amazing. We have the opportunity to reduce our garbage here by at least 50%!

I wondered how green the Sisters are. Turns out, very green. We discussed how being green is a mindset. Sisters in both lunches noted that in other parts of the country, it's not easy to recycle nor do people have the recycling mindset. We are lucky to live in an area where it is, and to go to a school where it's valued. Several Sisters even talked about how seeing litter on the ground actually makes them mad! The Sisters are all about proctecting our big Sister, Mother Nature. Here are some green things that they do:
* not using paper lunch bags--instead get a lunch box with a smokin' hot picture of Johnny Depp as Capt.Jack Sparrow on it! :-)
* being a vegetarian
* having a recycling bin in your bedroom
* helping your parents remember to recycle and compost (parents didn't grow up doing this stuff!)
* shopping at used book stores or using the library
* shopping at thrift stores-you never know what kind of recycled treasures you'll find!
* volunteering at PLMS to be a lunch monitor/composting trainer (thank you!!)

What green things to do you do? Please leave a comment!

Random Things About Us

2009-03-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

For the last few weeks, we've been sharing random facts about ourselves; little things that make us unique, things that please or displease us, facts that few know. It's been fun to see the connections between the Sisters when someone shares a random fact and others go, "Me, too!" I think if we look for similarities with our Sisters, we'll find some every time, and it will only greater affirm WHO we are. It's our goal for the Sisters to all have a strong sense of self--shine on, Sister.
Here are some things you may not know about the Pine Lake Sisters (teacher Sisters, too):

I am bilingual
I hate when people change their opinions based on who they're around
I like to have really late conversations with my friends on the phone
I used to have relationships with stuffed animals
I am deathly afraid of the witch from Snow White (in hag form)
One of the things that got me through middle and high school was choir
I love pink!
I despise tobacco and wish it had never been invented
I come from 2 different cultures
Being outside inspires me a lot
I dislike science
I am overly addicted to anime-manga
I enjoy drawing legs
I adore all animals (bugs/insects don't count)
The only type of movie I'll watch is horror
My favorite color is yellow
I love to make homemade coffee cake and eat it for breakfast. Cake in the a.m.!!!
I don't know half of my heritage
Happy music makes me sad
I don't like it when people hover over me
Reading a book on a summer day in my hammock makes me very happy
My favorite color is orange because it's a bright color and my mom says I'm a bright
person
Nothing feels as home-like to me as the last house in Israel that I lived in, even if
my mom says that this is our home
When people talk about mean stuff, I just nod my head
I used to be in a band and loved it
My school and the teachers and students are like a 2nd home and family
I have a like/hate relationship with my computer
I hate having my hair styled
I love it when people are happy because of something I did or made
I kinda wish cell phones would disappear
I've never had a cavity or broken any bones
I used to hate my red hair, but now I love it!
Whenever I get ticked off, I go sit on the end of my dock
My favorite word is 'llama' because it sounds cool
I have moved 3 times into a different country
Pretty much all I drink is milk
I like the smell of pine pitch
My favorite toy is a stuffed animal turtle who I sleep with
I like to knit
I like to get into a freshly made bed with clean sheets
I unicycle
I love peanut butter and jelly
I used to have a HUGE Scooby-Doo obsession
When I was little, I my brother always had his friends over and I wanted to hang with
them, so I was 'one of the boys' and I played football, war--anything to hang
with them...
I don't let guys hug me
I love the rain (and wind) and get depressed when it's sunny
There's a wall at my alma mater, PLU, dedicated to my family
In my free time, I dance around while listening to music
My brother has saved my life at least 3 times
My greatest dream is to own a small farm someday
I find shiny things amusing
Almost all my cousins are in the army
I'm a girl, I play video games and I'm proud of it!

Leave a comment about yourself!!!!

Femininity: Wear Yourself

2009-02-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

Today at Sisterhood we talked about what it means to be feminine. Sisters in both lunches pointed out the stereotypes like, wearing pink all the time, being girly, being pretty, and looking delicate and tiny. Also in both lunches, Sisters firmly rejected these stereotypes as being untrue and constrictive. Don't box us in! An A Luncher said that stereotypes were created in order to take away people's uniqueness. Many Sisters voiced that they want to be appreciated for being multi-faceted individuals. One Sister wisely said, "You have to think out of the box to be out of the box." And it can be a battle with outside forces seemingly working against us: the media, and even our friends and families, at times. The Sisters talked about our inner and outer selves. One Sister said, "You can be feminine without being girly." Another said it's like choreography--expressing yourself from the inside out. No one wants to be stereotyped. Here are some ways we came up with to help prevent it:
*Be friends, or at least be friendly to everyone
*Don't judge others
*Be open to new people; you never know when someone will surprise you.

Trusting yourself and wearing yourself every day is a true celebration of your femininity, Sister!

Society's Changing Expectations of Women

2009-02-12T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today, I read a few sentences from the 1950 Homemaker's Guide aimed toward young brides. Here's an example of some advice offered:
"If you've married a fisherman, better make fish cookery the first on your list of culinary accomplishments. He'll be unhappy if 'his little woman' doesn't do justice to his catch."

Boy, how times have changed...or have they? Some Sisters thought that in those days, women were more like servants, rather than equal partners. Others agreed that popular magazines like the Homemaker's Guide perpetuated the image of what's perfect and what's expected. Kind of like today's magazines do. The pictures and advice may be different, but the message is the same: Look like this! Act like this! We are still dealing with unrealistic expectations and stereotypes of how we should live our lives. What messages do you struggle with?

Some Sisters noted that while there was/is pressure both then and now, it's easier for us to say, 'no--I'm going to be myself!' In 1950, any woman who fought against the expected norm would have been seen as a major outcast.

A Teacher Sister said that when women entered the work force, things started changing...because they had to. The lady of the house couldn't do everything she used to AND work, so men had to start pitching in. We acknowledged how this must have been mind blowing for men the first time a hot dinner wasn't waiting for them, but they've evolved, too. A BLuncher even shared that it's her dream to be a working mom married to a stay-at-home dad! She sees her own dad assume cooking duties at home, so it's natural to her. Most if not all of the BLunchers plan on having careers when they grow up. Compared to women of the fifties--big difference. Many Sisters have even seen their own moms transform in their lifetimes from staying at home to getting a job. And as one Sister said, today's bad economy may even encourage more women to work outside of the home. We all agreed that being a stay-at-home mom is a good thing...if it's your choice. To have to live by the rules from the 50s would be difficult. Sister, you're nobody's 'little woman!'

Inner Drama

2009-01-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

Today at Sisterhood we continued on from last week's discussion with our 9th grade Sister, Audrey, and talked about the inner drama we all experience. In A Lunch, we mostly focused on how we're viewed if we're in a certain clique or group. It seems like the word 'clique' has a very negative connotation, where 'group' seems to be more neutral. The Sisters agreed that a 'clique' is exclusive while a 'group' is inclusive. Some Sisters said that the cliques were even worse in elementary school. And one Sister shared that at lunch, her 'group' looks around for people who seem to not have anyone to sit with, and they invite them to join their table. Now, that's true Sisterhood--we have to look out for each other!

In B Lunch, we mostly talked about ways we've struggled and in some cases, conquered inner drama. One Sister talked about how she used to be shy, but has learned how to be more comfortable with herself, which has enabled her to come out of her shell. Another Sister is really comfortable being a quiet person and doesn't care what people think. In her words, "I have myself and I have my friends, and I'm cool with that." Another Sister talked about how she does care what people think, because she wants them to see her and understand her for who she really is. Some Sisters talked about messages from their parents (Have a boyfriend! Don't have a boyfriend!)that can cause inner drama, too.

What kind of inner drama have you struggled with and if you've overcome it--how did you do that? Please share--we Sisters have so much to learn from each other!

Drama and Mean Girls and Cliques, Oh My!

2009-01-22T13:11:00.000-08:00

Today at Sisterhood, we had a special guest, Audrey S., a Sister from last year who is now at PCFC. Audrey shared her wisdom with the PLMS Sisters about drama and mean girls and cliques (oh my!). Her main message is that drama still exists in 9th grade, but middle school drama is probably worse. When you go to high school, if you limit yourself to just one group/clique, you will miss out; give your kindness to everyone. In 9th grade, people are starting to notice you for who you are, and that is refreshing. However, body image and inner drama can get worse, as boys in high school sometimes objectify the girls. So, be good to yourselves, Sisters, and don't let 'them' affect how you feel about yourself, because nice goes farther than sexy in the long run.

What do you see in terms of drama, mean girls and cliques at PLMS? And how do you stay strong? Leave a comment, Sister!

Raindrops on Roses...

2009-01-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

Today we talked about the need to think of our favorite things when the blahs get us down. Especially this time of year, it's easy to lose focus of what really matters sometimes, of what truly brings us joy, or even what makes us feel inspired. In B Lunch, we even talked about how the injustices we see in the world can really bring you down, too. And how, if you look hard enough, you can usually find a silver lining and sometimes good things can come from bad situations. A few BLunchers talked about being bullied in the past and while it was a horrible thing to go through, it has given them empathy for others in the same situation that they may not have had before. One Sister even talked about how her empathy has empowered her to stand up for others when she sees them being mistreated! Have you personally experienced something good from a bad situation? Please share--leave a comment below.

In both lunches we talked about our favorite things that lift our spirits no matter what. Here's a list of what the Sisters said:

Music--playing or listening, exercise, competitive sports, dancing, pets, writing, FRIENDS, beading, cleaning, making a mess, re-reading Harry Potter books, bundling up and rolling down a snowy hill, climbing a tree, knitting, baking, watching addictive tv shows, surfing the web for dream real estate, wearing fingerless gloves, movies, a new hat!

So, what are your favorite things, Sisters?

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, Sisters! Welcome back after our extended winter break. I hope you all had a very relaxing break and enjoyed all the snow :) As we look toward 2009, many people take this time to reflect on the previous year and think about any changes they want or need to make. Today our Sisterhood discussion was about New Year's Resolutions. We asked the Sisters if make a New Year's Resolution. If you did make one, what are some things that you think will help you be successful in keeping your new year's goal? Many of our Sisters shared their New Year's Resolutions. Here are just a few of our Sisters' responses:

This year I resolve to:
-not drink soda
-excercise, become physically fit
-eat healthy
-block out what other people think
-work on my temper
-make 3rd chair in Band
-take a deep breathe when I feel stressed or overwhelmed
-work to improve my handwriting
-not eat meat
-work on my relationship with God
-work harder in Math
-keep in touch with my out of state friends

For those of you who didn't make New Year's Resolutions, it's not too late! It can be something small or simple, like smiling or laughing more often. Think about it and if you want, feel free to leave a comment on the blog... "This year I'm going to... "

I did a simple Google search on New Year's Resolutions and found out what the most common New Year's Resolutions are:

10.Get orgnaized
9. Help others
8. Learn somehting new
7. Get out of debt
6. Quit drinking
5. Enjoy life more
4. Quit smoking
3. Tame the bulge (lose weight)
2. Fit in Fitness
1. Spend more time with family and friends

Some other resolutions related specifically to teens are: eating more fruits and vegetables, limiting the amount of soda, being more physically active, limiting time spent on video games, getting rid of negative self-talk, getting more sleep, finding constuctive ways to deal with stress, and resisting peer pressure.

Making a resolution is only the first part. We all know that many people tend to make resolutions, but then have a difficult time keeping their goals. So what works for you to help you keep your goal?

A couple Sisters made the comment that having some sort of visual reminder of your goal was helpful to them. In order to remember to work on her handwriting goal, one B lunch Sister said she made a point to leave a piece of paper and a pencil on her computer as a reminder to work on her goal instead of typing her work. Another B lunch Sister said she made a note on her calendar as a reminder of her goal to be better at connecting with her out of state friends. One of our creative B lunch Sisters even went as far as to paint a mural of her New Year's Resolution on her bedroom wall. Every time she walks into her room she has a visual reminder of her goal.

Everyone admitted that change is hard. Often we make these resoluations then get distracted, forget them, or have a flood of excuses on why we don't follow through with them. One Sister said she was more likely to keep her goal if it was broken down into smaller attainable goals. Many Sisters agreed it was important to tell someone your resolution. The more people that know your resolutions, the more people you have to encourage you and remind you to keep working on your goal. A wise A lunch Sister made the comment, "whatever you do, starting doing something NOW!" Procrastination can be our worst enemy on getting started at making a change. I think this is so true.

Here's just a few tips that will help you be committed and follow through with your New Year's Resolution.

1. Write your resolution down or tell a friend who can keep your accountable.

2. Start right away! You are more likely to follow through with your goal if you take action immediately. Once you start to make the change, you will most likely see some results and be more motivated to continue.

3. Create a plan, something specific that you can do or change. You are more likely to follow thorugh if you have a clear plan.

4. Have a system of rewards in place and give yourself some credit to sticking with your goal.

5. Be flexible. Change is hard! Make sure your your goals are realistic and attainable.

Remember, life is a journey. We are all in the process of lots of change. Take some time to reflect on where you are in your journey and where you want to go. This is your chance to take steps toward something new in 2009. Be excited and open to the all the new experiences that this new year will bring. Go for it, Sister!

Help A Sister Out!

2009-01-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

A Sister emailed me asking for advice from her Sisters. Please read below and leave a comment with your advice.

I know that we are beyond the Crush stage, but i need advice from my sisters. so, basically me and this boy both had this crush on each other since 5th grade. i still like him, but I'm not sure if he likes me anymore as more than just a friend or not. so the point is: should i treat him like a regular old friend,like all my other guy friends. or should i try to hold on?
signed,
a really boy-confused sister

Advice

2008-12-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

The writer Erica Jong once said, "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Today at Sisterhood we talked about advice and shared our opinions about it. Sometimes we seek advice to confirm what we already knew, like the quote. Sometimes we truly are seeking wisdom or insight or just plain help. Also, advice can connect people, like if you cook with your mom, she has so many new things to teach you and a lot of cooking advice to share. We talked about our parents, especially our moms dispensing lots of advice, both helpful and "helpful." Here are some of the things drilled into the Sisters heads:
* don't smoke or do drugs...ever!
* don't get married until you're financially secure and out of college
* think before you speak--use your head, it's your own personal chat room
* follow your dreams
* get a good job when you grow up
* support yourself
* don't let a guy ruin your life
* try to be yourself
* keep your head high

What else? Leave a comment!

Sometimes, though, unsolicited advice sounds like a broken record and annoys us to the point of not listening, especially from our moms. Now, the Sisters know that moms do it because they love and care so much, but it drives us crazy all the same. Just like the moms in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 drive their girls crazy, our moms drive us crazy. But as one wise Sister in A Lunch noted, we might be annoyed now but as we get older we realize that we didn't know everything and our moms were actually right. Ms. Pitasky added that, "The older you get, the smarter your parents become." Still, here are some annoying mom behaviors:

* teaching me how to flirt but also always saying how boys are bad
* putting pressure on me about grades, colleges, jobs but not really telling me how to achieve these things on a practical level
* always rolling down her window to talk to everyone when she's picking me up
* talking forever to people
* trying to hang out with my friends and me when they come over
* not trusting me even though I'm trustworthy
* using my 'pet' name in front of my friends
* butting into my life all the time

Feel free to comment if you think of anything else! Also, remember you can ask the Sisters for advice anytime. Just post a 'Help a Sister Out' comment with your issue and I will put it on the blog as a separate post. Then Sisters can leave a comment with their advice. We're all here to support each other, so if you need some help, just ask...that's what SISTERS are for.

Have you ever had a Crush?

2008-12-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all the Sisters who came to the all sisterhood potluck last Tuesday! It was awesome seeing A & B lunch Sisters connect. We had a lot of fun having lunch together, watching the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie, decorating ornaments (gotta love that Martha Stewart glitter!) and of course… signing the pants! Check out the colorful paper chain we made in the main office. Each link represents one thing Sisters enjoy about the Sisterhood and/or a special holiday memory.

Ms. Elliot led us in a discussion about remembering the simple things as we approach the holidays. No matter what you celebrate, it's good to try not to get caught up in the stress of the season, but instead to reflect on the little things that make you happy. If you didn't get a chance to share, leave a comment on the blog. We'd love to hear from you! If you missed out on the potluck, not to worry, we will be planning another All-Sisterhood event for next trimester.

This week we continued our discussion on Love and Relationships.
How do you feel or act when you are interested in someone? Have you ever had a crush? One Sister commented on the blog that when you are in love or interested in someone, you sort of get lost in your thoughts. Often times we get consumed or even obsessed with the person we like.

Here is a list of things some Sisters admitted to doing or feeling as a result of having a crush... Be honest, can you relate to doing any of these things?

-mindlessly doodling their name or initials on your hand or notebook

-feeling all giddy/happy when they are around

-intentionally dropping something when they are near to see if they help pick it up

-playing little match making games like "MASH"

-putting on perfume before you have class with them in hopes of getting their attention

-knowing exactly the # of days, hours, week that you've been together, or being absolutely devistated when you break up :(

-asking your friends to investigate and find out who your crush likes

-being overly obssessed with trying to figure out their classes or find them around campus

-walking the long way to class just to pass by your crush's class

-reading your love horoscope in the paper

-writing your name + your crush's name in pencil eraser on your desk

-leaving a note in your crush's locker without signing it

-being overly interested in something your crush likes

Maybe you can relate to one or more of these; having a crush can be fun! Or maybe you are really not into the whole dating/relationship scene--either way, that's Ok!

Have you or your friends ever changed your looks or your interests to get your crush to notice you?

Here are a few of our Sisters comments: Refuse to change who you are just to impress someone you like. There is no need to go out of your way to get all dressed up or spend hours on hair and make-up to attract someone, just be yourself! If your interested in someone, just be confindent in who you are. We all know it can be nerve wracking talking to someone you like, but just stay calm, be interested in them and most importantly just be who you are!

As one of our wise Sisters wrote on last week's blog comments, "I know when I look to the futue I could picture it without my boyfriend, but if I didn't have my friends, I wouldn't be able to survive!--Amen Sister! Thanks for the fun discussion today!

What is LOVE (baby don't hurt me)?

2008-11-20T13:35:00.001-08:00

It's so hard for me not to bust out with song lyrics about this oft-sung-about topic, but I'll do my best. Today at Sisterhood we discussed love--all different kinds: romantic, familial, platonic (friendship), etc. Adults might tell you that you don't know what love is, but no matter your age, whatever you're feeling is REAL to you. It might be considered puppy love by someone else, but if you feel it, you feel it, and it matters. Some A Lunch Sisters said that when they're around someone they like (love) they get the urge to giggle uncontrollably. They blush. Their ears burn and turn red. How do you know if it's love (Van Halen--sorry, couldn't help it)?

Some BLunchers said that love at this age is casual, in that you might write their name all over your hand with a Sharpie, but when picturing your future, you could easily picture it without them (but NOT without your girlfriends!). We also talked about how love is portrayed in books, TV, or the movies. The Sisters said that it's sometimes unrealistic and exaggerated and overly romanticized. Over the top. That can be good and bad. Bad in that maybe it gives people unrealistic expectations but good in that it's a real escape. What do you think?

No Sisterhood next week--it's Thanksgiving! We'll see you on Tuesday, December 2 for the All-Sisterhood Luncheon in the Library from 10:30-2:00. Please remember to bring what you signed up for--see Ms. Brittain or me if you need a memory refresher.

Love ya, Sisters!

Sisterhood Future Topics

2008-11-17T14:18:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, Mrs.Brittain asked the Sisters what kinds of things they'd like to discuss in the future. Check out the list below and feel free to leave a comment or two if you think of any others!!!

Also, remember to mark our All-Sisterhood Luncheon on your calendars for December 2. It's a half day, and we'll meet in the Library at 10:30 for a potluck lunch and some All-Sisterhood Fun, including the famous signing of the PANTS, a discussion, and various craft projects. Hope to see all you Sisters there, as well as our FORMER Sisters, who now go to various high schools!

A Lunch

*Relationships/dating
*Freedom, dealing with parental rules/expectations, communicating with parents better
*Rumors, getting into others' business, gossip
*The world of communication, texting, cell phones, facebook, MySpace—how has this changed how we communicate
*Are kids wearing revealing clothes and wearing make-up at too early of an age, what does this represent?
*Cliques, Labels
*Is it cool or not cool to be labeled as 'smart' or a brainiac? How does this relate to popularity?

B Lunch
*Guys/relationships, do they pressure you to act a certain way
*Mother/daughter relationships
*Rumors/Gossip
*Body image, pressure from guys who only want to date skinny girls
*What does dating look like at middle school (hanging out vs. going out)
*What is love? Real love vs. puppy love? How is it different from how love is portrayed on TV?
*Are their healthy models of love we can look at?
*Depression/Suicide
*Do some girls pretend they are not smart to get more attention?

What else? This is YOUR Sisterhood, Sistas!!

No One Should Feel Unaccepted

2008-11-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

...this was a comment left on last week's post and it was our topic of discussion for today's Sisterhood. Why is this statement so important? And what can you personally do to ensure this? Here were some of the things said by the Sisters:

*The world will never be perfect, but if we all accepted each other, we could get closer to that ideal.
*Smile!
*Make an effort to connect with others, join a club, get involved!
*Focus on your own good qualities and be known for them.
*Don't compare yourself to others--you're YOU.
*Sometimes people are treated differently because of WHAT they are, not WHO they are.
*We can get in the habit of trashing each other--word vomit--and we need a wake up call to stop it.
*Don't allow or encourage unkind comments about others.
*Put encouraging signs up all over school. (Bring them to the Counseling Center if you want to do this--we can hang them up for you.)

Remember, we all have the power as individuals to make a difference in the world. Helen Keller once said:
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do."

So, what can YOU do?

The Mountain of Ice

2008-10-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Today at Sisterhood, we talked about the metaphor a Sister came up with for popularity. Popularity is climbing a mountain made of ice. Many, if not all, of the Sisters agreed with this metaphor and expanded on it in detail. A few comments were:

* The higher you get, the more dangerous it is up there.
* Not much room at the top, and once you get there, someone might push you off.
* The further you fall, the more hurt you'll be.
* To climb it, you are risking a lot.
* There are many ways up...and down.
* There are ice picks that can help you, like the 'right' clothes, billions of friends, etc.
* Choose your own mountain to climb.
* CREATE your own mountain!

These last two comments are what The Sisterhood is all about: being yourself and creating your own happiness! Please leave a comment if you'd like to expand further on this popularity metaphor. And by popularity, we mean the kind of popular that is exploitative and competitive. The kind that tears someone else down in order to elevate your own status. The kind that uses power to influence, shun, reject, condemn, and judge. There is a GOOD kind of popular: the kind of person who is nice to everyone and therefore, is liked. This kind of popular is GREAT! But that's not the kind we're talking about here: the Mean Girl Popular.

And speaking of Mean Girls, why are people treated differently, based solely on 'popularity?' Has this ever happened to you? Or, be honest, have you ever been guilty of this? Please share and remember, all comments are ANONYMOUS!

Why are girls so mean to each other?

I read a quote by Naomi Shihab Nye at the end of Sisterhood today. Here it is:

"From over on the next tree, voices are calling to us--from the next orchard even! How are our branches different and our stories similar? And what lovely, larger life becomes ours when we listen to one another...? Together, from our apples, we grow."

That's Sisterhood.

Private Self vs. Public Self

2008-10-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today at Sisterhood we talked about how there are things about us that we let people see and things that we sometimes keep hidden, like our hopes, dreams and fears. One of our goals at The Sisterhood is to encourage our private and public selves to be one and the same. When this happens, you can truly be yourself!

The question of the day is: If you really knew me you would know...? Please leave an anonymous comment and tell us!

Is How You See Yourself How You're Really Seen?

2008-10-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Today's discussion centered on confidence. Do you think how you feel about yourself reflects how others view you? One Sister said that if you live your life in your bubble, people see that bubble and stay out of it. Another Sister talked about how she used to be the girl who was always picked on on the bus, until she decided to stand up for herself and speak out. Once she did that, people stopped picking on her and started treating her with r.e.s.p.e.c.t.

How much of your confidence comes from YOU? How much comes from OTHERS? One Sister said that it becomes easier to believe in yourself if you have a friend who believes in you. Would you agree with that? If so, then maybe confidence is contagious???

So, what about compliments, then? Do you believe it when someone gives you a compliment? Why do girls/women sometimes feel the need to explain why that compliment couldn't possibly be true? And in fact, why do we sometimes put ourselves down in response to a compliment?

Also, why do the negative comments we hear stick with us more than the positive ones? Why can we hear 10 great things about ourselves and one negative one and all we'll remember is the negative one? Seriously, Sisters, what is up with that?

I think we need to give ourselves permission to believe compliments, to see the good in ourselves, and to WEAR that confidence each and every day.

Who Do You Dress For?

2008-10-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

It was another great day to be a Sister, as we talked about what we wear and why we wear what we wear. On last week's blog post a Sister commented:

"Someone said that we shouldn't dress for other people, but that's not always true. You can either be yourself, or you can be controlled by other people's opinions, and it's always your decision."

So, who do you dress for? Some Sisters said that girls dress a certain way (sexy) to impress boys. Are boys looking at the clothes, though? Noooo, they are looking at the body. Who's looking at the clothes? Other girls. Do you agree or not? Leave a comment.

The B Lunch Sisters talked about moms trying to influence or sometimes restrict their daughter's personal style expression. Has this happened to you? Why do you think your mom cares about the way YOU look?

I read a short story in A Lunch called The Eye Catcher. A Lunch Sisters, what do you think the point of that story was? BLunchers, I'll read it to you next week and we'll talk...

Until then, leave a comment--you have so many important things to say, Sisters!

Why Do We Care What 'People' Think???

2008-10-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

We started our discussion today with an excellent comment left on last week's post:
A Sister wrote: "I think we don't give ourselves permission because we are afraid of what will happen and what people are going to think."

Hmmmmmm. I asked the Sisters today if they agreed with this and most did. Do you? And who are these 'people' who we are so concerned about? Of course we care what our friends and family think, but I'm talking about 'people'--those faceless strangers in our community who are there to judge us. Think about it...

What would you like to give yourself permission for, but can't? What's stopping you? What are you afraid of?

Does thinking too much about what others think keep you from being your true self?

One Sister said that since starting middle school she has made a lot of new friends by just being who she is. That's great! The Sisterhood encourages all girls (and teacher Sisters, too) to be who you are and your SISTERS will back you up! And to like yourself, too (and no--that's not being conceited). As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
Amen, Sister.

Welcome back, Sisters!

2008-09-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

It was so great to see so many new faces and returning Sisters at our first Sisterhood discussion of the year! We kicked off the 2008-2009 Sisterhood with the topic of 'Giving Myself Permission.' Some of you Sisters may remember doing this last year, but I think it's always good to reflect on how we need to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves permission to:
*have fun
*take more risks
*feel good about your body
*make mistakes
*follow your own path
*show it when you're sad, angry, happy or ????
*be yourself and not worry about others' expectations
*be imperfect
*relax

Leave a comment if there is something else you'd like to give yourself permission to do. Chances are, you're not alone!!!!

And remember, the Sisters are here to listen to you without judgement and to encourage you to speak your mind and be your true self. Take advantage of this unique opportunity to really connect with other girls (and Sister teachers, too) at our amazing Pine Lake Sisterhood! See you next Thursday.

Summer Sisterhood

2008-07-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

A Sister wrote me with this:

I have a topic, but it's not so deep. What is your favorite thing about summer? What is your summer pastime? Do you want to go back to school?

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts. And enjoy these beautiful days of summer!

Sisterhood Picnic!

2008-06-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks for a great time at our picnic on Monday, Sisters! It was so much fun to spend time together, eat, tie-dye, decorate picture frames, throw water balloons, jump rope and reconnect with our PCFC Sisters. During our ending discussion, some Sisters talked about what the Sisterhood has meant to them. This was especially relevant for our 9th grade Sisters, as well as our current 8th graders, since there's no Sisterhood program at PCFC or the high schools...yet. I urge you Sisters to start one! As one Sister said, The Sisterhood should be at every middle and high school! Please contact me if you want any support or help starting one at your new school.

Leave a comment about The Sisterhood, if you'd like. We'll start up our discussions again in the fall. Have a great summer, Sisters, and be good to yourselves!

Selling 'Sexy'

2008-06-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today we talked about how where ever girls look, 'sexy' is being pushed on them. Movies. TV shows. Magazines. Music. Music videos, especially rap. Retail. Peers. Guys.
* Do you think a sexy appearance is important to girls?
* At what age do you think it starts 'mattering?'
* Who are some female media stars who are role models for girls today, and how does the objectification and attempted sexiness of those girls influence regular girls?
* What do YOU think of all this?

Please share by leaving an anonymous comment.

This was our last Sisterhood of the school year. Thank you for the amazing discussions! We'll be back in the fall and even if you're not here, you'll always be a Pine Lake SISTER!

Happy Weight Calculator--for Moms and Sisters over 21 years old

2008-06-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to Self Magazine's Happy Weight Calculator that my Sister/Friend guest Tami was talking about at yesterday's Sisterhood. Sorry, girls, but it only works for Sisters 21 and older. Please share with your moms or other Big Sisters in your lives.

www.self.com/fitness/nutrition/calculators/happyWeight

The Body Project

2008-06-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Today we talked about a recent article in Time Magazine that outlines a program to help prevent girls from developing eating disorders. You can read it here:

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1703763_1703764_1810730,00.html

This program, the Body Project, addresses many of the same issues we've discussed in the Sisterhood, like media influences, super skinny models, airbrushed images and how these things set the standard for (unrealistic)beauty in our society. Then the program encourages girls to come up with and execute small, nonviolent acts, like slipping notes saying, "Love your body the way it is" into dieting books at bookstores and posting notes on the mirror in the girls bathroom saying, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. DON'T BE SOMEONE THAT YOU'RE NOT. BE YOURSELF."

How would you feel if you stepped into the bathroom to find a note like that?

Get out there, Sisters, and spread the word. Take the time to put a random message somewhere and help your SISTERS feel beautiful.

Gender. Sports. Equality?

2008-05-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Today we discussed this article:
Girl, 12, told she can't play ball with boys

You play ball like a girl.
That used to be an insult. In Beaverton, Oregon, it's becoming more like a fantasy.

Jaime Nared, a 12-year-old girl who stands 6-foot-1, has been told she can no longer play on the boys team of which she has been a member since the second grade, according to a report on the Web site of The Oregonian. Curiously, the timing of her ban came in the wake of a 30-point effort against an all-boys team.

"She scored 30 points," Jaime's mom, Reiko Williams, told The Oregonian. "I remember one play. She stole the ball, dribbled up court and made a behind-the-back pass to a teammate. He missed the lay-in, and she grabbed the rebound and put it in. I think it was just too much for some of those parents.

"The next day, she came home and said they wouldn't let her play with the boys anymore."

Last month, a group of parents from an opposing team told management at The Hoop, a private Beaverton basketball facility that runs the league in which Nared's team competes, that they didn't like Nared playing against their sons. Hoop officials then told Nared's coach, Michael Abraham, that she could no longer play, citing a league rule that prohibits mixed-gender teams, the newspaper reported.

"I never saw the rule," said Abraham, who has coached basketball for 32 years.

"If I'd known about it, I wouldn't have put any of my teams in the league. Besides, she's been playing on this team since second grade, and she plays on our team when we travel around the region. There's never been any problem in any event, not one word of complaint."

Neal Franzer, The Hoop's director of operations, told the paper that parents were "adamant" their complaints had nothing to do with Jaime's skills.

"They said the problem was the boys were playing differently against her because she was a girl," Franzer said, according to the paper. "They'd been taught to not push a girl, so they weren't fouling her hard, and the focus had shifted from playing basketball to noticing a girl was on the floor with them.

"The rule may not have been enforced in past years," Franzer said. "We have new management this year. It's policy, and we enforce policy."

Nared, however, had a different take.

"I think the boys on a specific team don't like me," she said. "It doesn't seem fair."

Abraham was also skeptical about the ruling.

"I can't think of one boy that we've played against that's had a problem with her," he said. "Maybe their dads do. Teach the boys how to handle her. Front her, deny her the ball. You sure as hell don't complain. Listen, she's a girl's girl, but she plays tough. She's no cupcake. She gets knocked down and takes a charge."

Do you think what happened to Jaime was fair? Many of the Sisters didn't think so. Some thought it was an ego thing. Some thought boys didn't like being one-upped by a girl. Some thought that maybe it's how boys are socialized to not play roughly with girls. As one teacher sister said, "If we have real equality, it shouldn't matter." But it does. And we agreed that this was a sad way to exit a team she'd been on for years.

Have you ever been discriminated against for your gender? Have you ever been judged, based on your gender? What was that like for you?

One Sister said that when we have to prove ourselves against boys, it makes us STRONGER. Have you experienced that?

Do you think girls are tougher than boys? And maybe boys have to be tough because of how they're socialized? Is that fair? We all know the unwritten rule of 'boys don't cry.' (There's an awesome song by The Cure with that title, but I digress...)

Why does gender have to matter so much?

Indiana Jones is a.....

2008-05-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

womanizer! :-) Today we talked about movies, tv shows and books (sounds fun, doesn't it?), and which ones show a positive message. We talked about what we liked and why, and sometimes how what we like may not always have the best message, if we look at it closely. Examples of that: Indiana Jones (all of them),Grease, Two and a Half Men, Pretty Woman, and even American Idol (Simon makes rude comments about some female singers' weight and it sometimes seems like the cutest contestants get the most votes). Reality tv came up, too. Sure, it's entertaining and maybe that's enough sometimes, but what does a show really mean? With America's Top Model, it's great that a "plus-sized" model can win, but in the real world, that winner wasn't "plus-sized," she was normal-sized. A Sister brought up Deal or No Deal where it's all money, money, money. When you read books and watch tv and movies, think about what they're saying about the SISTERS and choose accordingly. Or just sit and be entertained regardless...that's ok, too. Here's our list of the good:
Movies: Bend It Like Beckham, Whale Rider, Pretty In Pink, Uptown Girls, She's the Man, Save the Last Dance, A Walk to Remember, Step Up.
Books: The Secret Life of Bees, Stargirl, Island of the Blue Dolphins, Walk Two Moons, Uglies/Pretties/Specials/Extras, Understanding Betsy.

What do you like? Please share!!!!

Me? Look cute? Nooooooooooo!

2008-05-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months we've been talking about beauty--as defined by ourselves, most importantly, but also as defined by others here at school, in society and in the media. As girls and women, it's often easier to be self-critical than self-confident. Have you ever gotten a compliment and then immediately starting denying it, deflecting it, or even putting yourself down?

Why do we do that?

Why is it so much easier to acknowledge our flaws than our stregths?

Please leave a comment!!!!

Sisterhood Starts With You

2008-05-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

This week, we talked more about the softball story (posted below), and how its message relates to our everyday lives. These players didn't spend a lot of time debating whether or not they should help, they just did it. I believe we all have the ability to ACT on the empathy inside us. It's hard to take steps toward it sometimes, though, even when we know it's the right thing to do. When you see an injustice, we encourage you to do something about it. Take action.

Empathy + Action= True Sisterhood

We talked about visualizing yourself in someone else's shoes. Think about someone you may not know well, someone in your classes, someone you see at lunch. Try to imagine what it might be like for her at school. Then, take the next step: open yourself up to the possibility of getting to know that person. It can be hard and intimidating to talk to someone you don't know, but what do you have to lose, really? A Sister talked about an experience where she did this. She knew a girl was having some big problems in her life and wanted to help. But she was nervous. It took her 3 days to work up the courage to write the girl a note and ask how she could help out. But she did it. The girl responded positively, the Sister helped her and now they're friends. That's Sisterhood. And it begins with you.

A True Act of Sisterhood

2008-05-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

Someone brought up this amazing story at the B Lunch Sisterhood. Check it out, below. Ms. Kiemle thought it would be a great idea to write a letter to the players from Central Washington University to let them know that OUR Sisterhood was moved by their act of true sisterhood. Sooo, read the story and feel free to leave a comment that you would like included in the letter. We'll put all the comments together, have everyone sign it, and mail it to the softball team at CWU.

'Unbelievable' moment stuns crowd at softball game

By Associated Press
MONMOUTH, Ore. (AP) - A senior with a .153 career batting average hits her first home run, a three-run blast, to help Western Oregon move closer to a spot in the NCAA's Division II softball playoffs.

That was improbable.

To 70-year-old Central Washington coach Gary Frederick, what happened next was "unbelievable."

Sara Tucholsky, the 5-foot-2-inch right fielder, sprinted to first as the ball cleared the center field fence Saturday in Ellensburg, Wash. Given that she had never hit a ball out of the park, even in practice, she was excited. So excited she missed first base.

A couple yards past the bag, she stopped to go back and touch it. But she collapsed with a knee injury.

"I was in a lot of pain," she told The Oregonian newspaper on Tuesday. "Our first-base coach was telling me I had to crawl back to first base. 'I can't touch you,' she said, 'or you'll be out. I can't help you."'

Despite the agony, Tucholsky crawled back to first.

Western Oregon coach Pam Knox ran onto the field and talked to the umpires. The umpires said the coach could place a substitute runner at first. Tucholsky would be credited with a single.

"The umpires said a player cannot be assisted by their team around the bases," Knox said. "But it is her only home run in four years. She is going to kill me if we sub and take it away. But at same time I was concerned for her. I didn't know what to do."

An opponent did.

Central Washington first baseman Mallory Holtman, the all-time home run leader in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference, asked the umpire if she and her teammates could carry Tucholsky around the bases.

The umpires said nothing in the rule book precluded help from the opposition.

Holtman and shortstop Liz Wallace lifted Tucholsky and resumed the home-run walk, stopping to let Tucholsky touch the bases with her good leg.

"We started laughing when we touched second base," Holtman said. "I said, 'I wonder what this must look like to other people."'

Holtman got her answer when they arrived at home plate. Many people were in tears.

The second-inning homer sent Western Oregon on its way to a 4-2 victory, ending Central Washington's chances of winning the conference and advancing to the playoffs.

"In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much," Holtman said. "It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain and she deserved a home run."

Frederick, the Central Washington coach, said he later got a clarification from an umpiring supervisor, who said NCAA rules allow a substitute to run for a player who is injured after a home run.

The clarification doesn't matter to those who witnessed the act of sportsmanship.

"Those girls did something awesome to help me get my first home run," Tucholsky said. "It makes you look at athletes in a different way. It is not always all about winning but rather helping someone in a situation like that."

Online Sisterhood

2008-04-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Since we won't be able to meet for Sisterhood until WASL is over (sigh...), I thought we could have some online Sisterhood dialogue to hold us over. Here's what I want to know: What's been on your mind? What would YOU like to discuss at the Sisterhood? What are you noticing 'out there?' Leave a comment, yo!

It's Beautiful Women Month!

2008-04-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome, Sisters!

Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month? We have been having some great discussions lately about body image. Like how the media try to hold girls/women to a standard of "beauty" that is not even realistic for a human. Think Barbie. Think Bratz. Think fierce-looking models (human hangers). Think plastic surgery. Think magazine ads. Think retail displays. Think about people criticizing Oprah for her weight!! Her weight!! Please, people.

Even at Pine Lake, some Sisters have felt the judgement, have felt objectified (being treated/judged as if you're an object instead of a person) by guys (probably as a direct result of the media's omnipresent message about what's beautiful). One Sister shared how a guy made a comment about her chest size and it made her feel not good enough, EVEN THOUGH she knew it was ridiculous. These types of comments are so hurtful, so damaging. Another Sister shared how last year, when she was an 11 year old 6th grader, a boy told her she was fat. She started counting calories and starving herself. 11 years old. All because of what a boy said. Words hurt. After sharing this, another Sister pointed out that she is not fat and is, in fact, so beautiful! These are the kind of words we all need to hear. Reach out to your Sisters and give them this true, positive message about what real beauty is. We are all beautiful.

Here is a poem by Audrey Hepburn that she wrote when asked to share her 'beauty tips.' It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness...

For lovely eyes,

seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...

People, even more than things, have to be restored,

renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;

one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.

Print Media's Big, Dirty Secret

2008-03-21T15:28:00.000-07:00

This week we talked about print media's big, dirty secret: photo-shopping and airbrushing photos in magazines and ads to make the models look 'perfect' We watched a very short video to illustrate this point. Check it out--it's scary:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909

The Sisters found this trend very disturbing, since many girls/women compare themselves to these images which don't even represent reality. Seeing these images can negatively impact how girls/women see themselves. An airbrushed model with perfect skin (no pores, even!)and skinny, 'perfect' bodies can make girls/women feel inadequate and can even influence eating disorders.

A teacher Sister commented that now that she knows this secret, she is reassured and can flip through a magazine and just think to herself, 'fake, fake, fake.'

Have you ever compared yourself to photos of models in magazines? How do you feel after looking at one 'perfect' image after another? Is it any wonder why our society's perception of beauty is so distorted?

Pssst...pass this SECRET on to your friends! It's time for REAL beauty to be celebrated--the beauty that comes from being comfortable and happy with yourself on the inside and out.

The Disney Princess Debate

2008-03-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today we talked about Disney princesses. Is the media machine influencing our little girls, indoctrinating them with the notion of a happily ever after (as long as there's a prince available to provide it, after he rescues you, of course), or are they just a form of harmless entertainment that allows you to be a fancy princess surrounded by fairy dust, talking sealife and bibbity bobbity boo? A bit of both maybe? What do you think?

Even if little girls aren't seeing the big picture of helplessness that many of these princesses project, is it affecting them later on a subliminal level?

Are Disney princesses a gateway drug (haha) to Barbie, and then to Bratz, and then to teen magazines and then to women's magazines filled with airbrushed images of women--perfect women who don't even exist?

What are the good qualities of these princesses? What are the negative ones? Does one overshadow the other? What do you think, Sisters?

Being Yourself

2008-02-29T09:34:00.001-08:00

Today we talked about a thought-provoking comment that was left on the blog previously. It read:

"I don't know exactly who I am so it is really hard to be myself when I can't exactly! What can I do to find out who I am? It is really hard to deal with everyone saying 'act like yourself' when you don't know who that is."

The Sisters in both lunches had a lot to say about this.

The A Lunchers said:
* You can find yourself by asking 'WHO CARES?' before doing something and realizing that if you don't care what people think and you do what you want to do anyway, that's being yourself. Be the person who can say 'SO WHAT!' and surround yourself with true friends who don't judge you for what you do or who you are.
* Just take a look at your true personality.
* Important possessions can help you define yourself.
* When you find your purpose, you can be yourself more easily.
* A teacher Sister said, it's not necessarily DOING, it's just BEING. We get so busy that our lives become full of habits and routines and that can create patterns where we just go through the motions and play a role. Sometimes that isn't really who we are. We need to push doing aside, make some quiet time for ourselves and think about what makes us feel most alive? What are our passions? What makes us happy? Just be.
* Sometimes it's hard to find out what YOU like vs. what your friends like.
* It takes a little more energy to find out what you truly like.

*It's like there is another girl (your true self) living inside your brain. In order to meet her, you have to ask yourself,'Am I shadowing someone else or am I leading my own path?'

* In Harry Potter Book 3, there are boggarts (your greatest fear that the Hogwarts kids have to learn how to banish). For some of us, our boggarts might be ourselves.
* I don't know if I'm brave or scared, shy or outgoing. And I wonder about how people view me vs. how I view myself. I'm more scared than people think.
* Maybe we're all of the above, brave and scared, etc., depending on the circumstances?
* Look from every angle at yourself.
* Through writing, I can figure out things about myself.
* There's a difference between knowing yourself and being yourself. Even if you know yourself well, you still have to work every day to BE yourself, to be your own authentic person. It's hard.
* I wonder what other people see in me.
* When you have a friend who's behind you, she will support you and go with you through whatever you do. This helps you be yourself.

The BLunchers spoke passionately about this, as well. They said:

* A year ago, I was exactly in this girl's shoes. I did what I love and nothing else. Lately, I've been trying out new styles I like. I'm excited to wear them and I don't care what people think!
* Stay true to what you believe in and what you like to do.
* If you're being yourself and your friends don't like it, they are not really your friends.
* Being yourself is being a trendsetter, whether people follow you or not.
* Being yourself is defined by who you're not. If you don't like someone's behavior, then THAT'S NOT YOU.
* In middle school, we change so much, we're all still discovering who we are.
* It's doing what you want because you want to. It's hard to find yourself.
* I'm trying lots of different things. My mom has a lot of restrictions about my choices, but we try to compromise.
* Little kids don't care what others think. We could learn from them.
* There's a song called 'Be You' that helps.

* To find yourself, you have to release yourself and allow yourself to be who you are. My grandma taught me that it's my choice and I don't have to do something I don't want to do.

Then we got off on a little tangent about grandmas...but it was good stuff:
* My grandma helped me find who I am.
* Grandmas know you well enough to see who you are.
* My grandma and I talk every day, and I even talk about guys with her!
* Grandmas get that now is the time for us to be independent.
* I'm closer to my grandma now that we moved out of state.
* I trust my dad more than anyone.
* I have an aunt I can talk to.
* I can always call my grandma to talk...she's a great person to talk to.

Keep it up, Sisters. Keep finding yourselves and work hard to be that person, because...SHE'S GREAT!

Sister in need!

2008-02-26T07:30:00.000-08:00

I have had this really awful experience with bullying. Whenever someone gets too close I, like, freak out and say things I don't really mean sometimes just to make them go away. I really need advice! Help

Let's Help a Sister Out

2008-02-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

A Sister recently left this comment on the 'Stereotypes' post from a few months ago. I thought she asked a really great question, so I wanted to throw it out there to all you Sisters. Please weigh in with your comment.

I don't exactly know who i am so it is really hard to be myself when i can't exactly! what can i do to find out who i am? it is really hard to deal with everyone saying 'act like yourself!' when you don't know who that is!

also, talking about stereotypes can be hurtful when you ARE one of those 'popular' people. people always stereotype them too. they might seem cool but they really just want to fit in too. i know a lot of popular people and a lot of them have even said that they feel pressure ALL THE TIME.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T15:22:00.000-08:00

Being that it is Valentine's Day, we thought it might be a good to talk about it. Actually, a B Lunch Sister suggested it last week. If you Sisters ever have suggestions for future topics of discussion, just let me know!

The A Lunchers seemed to have a more positive view on Valentine's Day than the B Lunchers. Some A Lunch positive comments were:
* I like it for the presents!
* We celebrate it as a family by making crepes every year.
* A Teacher Sister's mom still sends her cookies every year.
* We always do something as a family, like go to a movie.
* Another Teacher Sister got a very sweet valentine from her son who's at college and it made her feel so good.

There were also a few Sisters who didn't like some parts of the day. One Sister said that it's kind of hard when people around you are getting lots of valentines and attention and all you get is a 'oh, hi.' And a Teacher Sister wondered if Valentine's Day is necessary. Do we really need a certain day to tell the special people in our lives that we love them? What do you think?

B Lunch had quite a different perspective on the day. Here's what they had to say:
* I don't like what the holiday has become: a popularity contest. There is a lot of pressure for people to ask others out and to have this perfect day.
* It's silly. People feel pressure to do something they normally wouldn't do.
* At home, it's ok. At school, it's pressure.
* It goes against my religion to ask people out, but to me it's about sharing sweets and friendship.
* It's fun. I like exchanging gifts and making people feel special. But last year I gave out a lot of gifts and didn't get many back and that was hard.
* It's a Hallmark holiday, full of expectations--a big label on a day. Some guys even dump girls before Valentine's Day so they don't have to buy a gift.
* A Teacher Sister said that for her, it's a time to celebrate the fact that she loves so many people in the world.

Right when it was time to go, a Sister asked the group, "How many of you felt pressure on Valentine's day?" Many girls raised their hands.

What do you think? Do you feel pressure and why? Please leave a comment to continue the dialogue.

Oh, and have a great February break. See you in 2 weeks, Sisters!!!!

BFFs

2008-02-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Today at the Sisterhood, we talked about the label of 'Best Friends.' At both lunches, the Sisters thought plural best friends were ok and that a network of really good friends was great to have. I asked how the Sisters felt about the label of 'best friends'and if they've ever felt excluded by it. Here's what some Sisters had to say:
* This label often hurts relationships
* Sometimes people take it too far and I feel left out sometimes. A lot of people are "taken" as a BF. Twin Day is an example of a time that can be fun, but it also can be exclusive. Many spirit days can be, especially if you're not a part of a group all dressed alike.
* Sometimes the people I hang out with aren't my best friends, and people may think we're closer than we are. But you have to be careful who you trust because sometimes you get hurt.
* Some people think having a best friend defines or labels them.
* Most best friends seem to be gender exclusive and if you're best friends with a guy, people call you sleazy.
* It frustrates me when I get labeled.
* When people wear matching clothes it seems like they're trying to up their popularity.
* It's like their friends are their accessories.
* It's annoying.

What do you think?

It A Lunch I mentioned that we can all name qualities that make someone a good friend. But what about qualities that don't? Here's what some Sisters said before we ran out of time:
* Being jealous and posessive
* Not nice
* Not caring when a friend is having a hard time.

What are some other not-so-hot friendship qualities?

The Sisters in both lunches had a lot to say about this topic. Please leave a comment if you didn't get a chance to speak your mind.

Help a Sister Out

2008-02-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

I really need advice. I had this really good friend for 2 years. Suddenly,she starts caring about what the popular people think. She doesn't go to the A lunch Sisterhood because none of the "popular" people go. She doesn't talk to me anymore. She says we are still friends, but she is not being herself. I have no classes or lunch with her, so I don't get much of a chance to talk. What should I do to get her to truly be herself?

Blunchers Talk About Middle School Struggles

2008-01-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

Before we get into the meat of this blog entry, just a reminder to bring in your old jeans to the Counseling Center. We will cut them into 6x6 squares for the Sisterhood quilt.

One courageous Sister decided to share her middle school struggles with the group. It was very moving and important for everyone to hear her message, because we've all been there in one way or another. To paraphrase what she said:

***** I've had a lot of struggles during middle school. I've had body image problems and was even anorexic for a while. I have hung out with people who were not my true friends, I used to work so hard to be perfect. I was stressed all of the time. I developed social anxiety and couldn't leave my house without crying, shaking, etc. I didn't think I was good enough. I started not being myself. I was really mean to people. I hated myself and hated my life. I felt suicidal. I started cutting a little bit. I found God and that helped me. I have found out who I am. I have found true friends. I want you to know what I've gone through and know that everyone is beautiful. Everyone has something to offer. Don't fall into the trap of being someone else to please others...it's a downward spiral. There are genuine people out there who will like you for who you are. Now I have those kinds of friends. I'm not always perfect, but I'm trying.*****

I pointed out that nobody is ever perfect and that what maybe she meant was that she is trying to just be real and honest; she's working hard to just be herself. A teacher Sister pointed out that in Greek, perfect means 'in process.' I like that. Aren't we all in process?

Other Sisters then shared their own struggles:

*In 6th grade, I started wearing Abercrombie and American Eagle and makeup. Then I came to the Sisterhood and starting changing and being more me.

*A teacher Sister shared that even as an adult woman, she still feels like there is pressure to be a certain way.

*Last year I had weird friends who would criticize me and wanted me to be someone else.

*I get a lot of pressure from my grandpa for being good at track, piano and getting good grades. I'm still learning how to cope with it.

*I feel a lot of pressure from my family, but I can do my best and I don't need people telling me what I can't do.

*I changed a lot last year. It's hard living up here sometimes because so many people are wealthy. Now I am able to be who I really am and some people call me fake. (Those people don't KNOW her, I say!)

The first Sister who shared so much also said that she made a sign and put it in a plastic binder sleeve, then wrote on the plastic with a Vis-a-Vis pen. Here's what she did:

I am stronger than_______________________________________

I love myself because____________________________________

Please leave a comment and fill in those blanks, or be thinking about it. We will talk more about this next week.

Thank you for being so GENUINE and COURAGEOUS today, Sisters!

A Lunch Words

2008-01-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

The A Lunchers all chose a word today from our poetry words that resonated with them. Then we went around and said why. Here's a sampling of what words they chose and why. For the few who didn't get to share today, we will hear you next week...or you could leave a comment on the blog and share that way! Here we go:
* friend--we're all friends in here and we're honest with each other.
* strong--my friend has been through a lot and is so strong. She inspires me.
* sister--we help each other out.
* compassionate--my aunt donates things she makes to others and it inspires me.
* united--I like the idea of being united in the Sisterhood.
* confident--if you believe in yourself and think you can do something, that's half the battle!
* thoughtful--this is something I am working on.
* generous--being nice is really important, and if you're nice to someone, they'll usually be nice back to you. Plus it's important to be generous with your time.
* brave--my brother has had to go through a lot of changes and I think he's brave.
* encourager--a little goes a long way to make people feel good.
* truthful--it's important to be truthful to friends and family and to yourself, too. If you are true to yourself, people will like you for who you really are!
* integrity--this goes along with being true to yourself. This means doing what you think is right, regardless of what others think.

Thanks for sharing today, Sisters!!!

B Lunch Power Words

2008-01-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

The BLunchers are in the process of making a Sisterhood poem, too, and today we focused on the words. Each word from last week was written on a sheet of paper and scattered on the floor in the middle of the circle of desks. Each Sister picked a word that personally resonated with her for some reason. Then we went around and talked about why we chose our word. Feel free to leave a comment about which word you chose and why...I couldn't write fast enough to get all of your insights on paper, but the other teacher Sisters and I were so impressed by what you had to say. More examples of the amazing wisdom of this group. Anyway, each Sister took her word with her and we'll craft the poem next week. I encourage you to put your word under the plastic on your binder (if you have one like that) and look at it all week. That word obviously has great meaning for you, so it might be nice to be reminded of it all week long.

Also, we talked more about our Sisterhood quilt. Please bring a pair of your old jeans to school (if you have one), and in the near future we will cut them into squares to make our quilt. Each girl will have 2 squares: one to personalize with her name and the other with her word. A Sister's mom will help us put the quilt together (thank you!). You can bring in the jeans anytime and leave them with me (Ms. Elliot) or Ms. Ramacciotti.

And Sisters, thanks for coming today and sharing more of yourselves. To quote Cyndi Lauper (80s pop star):

I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
Your true colors
Are beautiful
Like a rainbow.

A Lunch Poems

2008-01-17T13:45:00.000-08:00

Continuing on with our 'magnetic' poetry exercise, we crafted a poem today about what it means to be a Sister, using the words from last week. Here it is:

Kindhearted, bold and loyal
Funtabulous
Compassionate
Wise girl
Loving honesty
Forever friendly
Sympathetic
United
Flabbergasted
Brave
Snazzy

And we decided to re-writed the nursery rhyme, 'What Are Little Girls Made Of.'
Sooooo....
What are GIRLS made of,
What are GIRLS made of,
COMPASSION and PERSONALITY
and everything _______________________,
That's what GIRLS are made of.

How would you fill in the blank???? Leave a comment!

Let's Help A Sister Out

2008-01-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

Ok... I have this issue.Please help!?! So... I feel like I am alone since I have been here at this school. I don't know who is really my true friend. I have this one friend who I talk to sometimes, but I feel like I can't trust her because of the "click" she is in. I feel like I can't be myself... my outgoing, bubbly-self. Instead, I feel like I have to be "fake" and shy. You know what I mean? What do I do? Do I talk to her but be cautious? Do I talk to her like she is my true friend? Am I just being too cautious and need to gain trust toward her? I am SOOO confused. I really need help and I am putting my full and 100% trust in you, my sisters. Please help me.

Magnetic Poetry by the Sisterhood

2008-01-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

In both Lunches today we talked about creating a poem built from words contributed by the Sisters--like magnetic poetry. We brainstormed that the poem could be: What it means to be a _________________________ (girl, Sister, friend, genuine person)or even as a Bluncher teacher Sister suggested, to perhaps re-write the 'What are little girls made of' poem (btw, it's more than 'sugar and spice and everything nice!). Each Sister was given 2-3 notecards and asked to write a strong word on each...something with meaning. We are still brainstorming how we're going to do the poem. In A Lunch, we talked about putting the words on paper and then tying them together into a paper quilt,hanging it around the school, printing the poem and pinning in on the pants, posting it on the blog. In B Lunch, we talked about picking a word that resonates with you and wearing it for a day at school. A Sister thought it would be fun to write the word on a white t-shirt and then get together and tie-dye it. We then talked about making a real quilt, with each girl getting a square to decorate any way she wants and then sewing it all together. A Sister suggested that we leave a few blank squares to symbolize that the group is always open to new people; we always have room.

Wow! So many GREAT ideas. And we can do them all, if we want!!! Sisters are doers. Below I will post the words each Sisterhood came up with, in case any Sisters want to put together their own personal poem. Next week, we'll start on our group effort.

A Lunch Words: generous, friend,funtabulous,sister, amazing, snazzy, wife, flabbergasted, giving,sympathetic, listener, fun-loving, confident, wisdom, strong, true, family, united, important, wise, compassionate, bold, thoughtful, helpful, gracious, upbeat, forever, loyal, stressful, alone, crazy, brave, generous, interesting, smart, talkative, kind, favored, fabulous, lovely, kindhearted, wondrous, radical, awesome, cool, spectacular, truthful, girl, enthusiastic, friendly, careful, beautiful, faithful, encourager, sparkling, loving.

B Lunch Words: respect, love, strength, laughing, smiles, expression, unique, invigorating, believe, happiness, faith, truthful, kindness, courage, amable (Spanish word), us, compassion, friendship, hope, trust, genuine, joy, loving, destiny, individual, discovery, restful, ganas (Spanish word), realize,
compassionate, courageous, benevolent, shy, cheerful, integrity, dream, eccentric.

Have fun and see you next week, Sisters!

An Essay written by a Sister

2008-01-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

A Sister shared with me an essay she wrote for language arts. I think it's really strong and insightful and she gave me permissin to post it, so here it is.

Being Inside the IT Group

The good thing about lunch is that you don't get a grade. But when you are part of the IT group, you always feel like you are getting graded. There is this huge pressure to be skinny and pretty. Last year I was part of the IT group...but not anymore. I have seen many of my close friends do horrible things just to be considered cool by the IT group, such as starving themselves. It is hard to see, but there is not much to do except support and be there for them. When I was part of that group I felt like I had to spend hundreds of dollars on the coolest clothes, just to be liked. After a while, I was no longer cool and a newer cooler person replaced me.
Most of my experiences with the IT group were fun and amazing, but the fun stopped when I was no longer wanted in the group. It was obvious that no one wanted me as part of the group. I would sit at lunch with all of the IT people, but I would no longer be a part of all the gossip and conversations. Then after that I was not invited to the usual trips to the mall and hangouts. It was hard for me to sit at home being a couch potato knowing that all my "friends" were having fun without me.
Once I was completely taken out of the group, my true friend showed me who the IT group people really were and she reminded me who I am. It is hard to know that I am no longer "cool" enough, and I truly wish i was never part of the IT group.

A Sister needs some advice

2008-01-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is an I-need-advice-question.
It's kind of complicated.
I used to be really shy and slightly nerdy (excuse my use of a word like that), and people kind of ignored me and eventually started picking on me. I'm also a kind of person who does a lot of deep thinking, so I know who I am INSIDE very well. When I came to Pine Lake, I was determined that I would NOT be an easy target for bullies. Just as a self-defense machanism, I started being kind of mean to people and hurting them, so they wouldn't do that to me. Only now, after it's gotten completely out of control, do I realize that, while INSIDE I'm nice and kind and all, I show the world something totally different. So, I have three problems:
1) I need advice on making sure I don't treat people badly.
2) I need to make sure people don't treat me like they used to.
and
3) I need help in showing the world who I really am and accepting myself enough to do that.

First Help-A-Sister-Out Question

2008-01-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I applied to the NJHS board. I didn't make it so I was a little disappointed because I worked so hard. Now I tried out for the school play. I think I won't make it and will experience the same feeling again. I worked very very hard on that. Have you ever felt like this? What did you do?

Feel free to leave an anonymous comment to help a Sister out. Thanks!

Welcome back!

2008-01-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

Hope all you Sisters had a nice break. It was nice to see everyone back today at the Sisterhood. We started by giving the Sisters who weren't able to come to the All-Sisterhood Luncheon a chance to sign the pants. Here's what the ALunchers and A Lunch Teachers had to say about the Sisterhood before brandishing the Sharpie. The question was, 'Why do you come to the Sisterhood?'
* It's a place where you talk to other girls and won't be made fun of. We talk about good, useful stuff, too.
* It's a fun place. It's good to hear about what other girls have to say about things that concern you.
* We talk about useful things that I've wondered about.
* To communicate with friends and make new friends and get to know everyone better
* It's better than being in the cafeteria and kinda fun, too.
The ALuncher teacher Sisters said:
* I like to get to know students in a different way, plus, I'm the mother of 3 boys and I like to be with the girls.
* I have 3 sons, too, and I like the girl time.
* When I hear you girls talk about things that are important to you, it's like I've been transported back 40+ years. I remember what is was like and it makes me a little sentimental and nostalgic.
* We went through the same things when we were in school and we remember!

The BLuncher pants-signers said:
* To be with friends and discuss stuff. It's really cool.
* I like to listen to what people think about stuff.
* It's fun and cool.
* To meet friends and talk
* It's fun to see that I'm not the only one--I'm not alone in my views.
The BLuncher teacher Sisters said:
* I like to see groups of girls who care about more than just clothes and shoes. It makes me feel good about the world in general.
* There is so much positive energy and positive voices here to make the school a better, more comfortable place. There is a lot of strong leadership at the Sisterhood.
* It's a safe place for girls and women. I like to see how much we all have in common and find our similarities. Hopefully we can help you get through some of the hard stuff that we went through.
* There's a sense of girl power. I love the ways we can see how we're all alike and how we're different, too and how we're building community here.
* I enjoy hearing your mature responses and thoughts. You wow me every week. It's neat to see the connections.
* It's nice to see new faces and get to know students who aren't in my classes.
* It's the most important, best work of my whole career. The Sisterhood energizes me. You Sisters are so incredible and each of you has something special and unique to offer. The Sisterhood is the best part of my week!!!!!

After the pants were signed, we talked about some upcoming events. The All-Sisterhood Luncheon was so fabulous, we would like to do some sort of All-Sisterhood gathering each trimester. For 2nd Trimester, we would like to do a Big Sister Tea. It will be toward the end of the Tri, after school, and you will invite a 'big sister'(an important woman in your life--maybe your mom or grandma, aunt or real big sister, neighbor, mentor, teacher, etc.). We will dress up a bit (hey--a Sister can be a little fancy if she wants to) and drink tea, eat scones and tiny finger sandwiches, the works. So, start thinking about who you'd like to invite. We will let you know the date of the tea as soon as we get it nailed down. We will give you a letter to give to your 'big sister' and ask her to bring a pearl of wisdom to share at the tea, something like, 'What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were 12,13, or 14?' For trimester 3, we'd like to do an All-Sisterhood sleepover at school on a Friday night. Movies! Games! Pizza! Junk food! Girl Talk! We'll keep you posted...

Also, based on a comment left on the last post, we are going to start a new feature on our blog. The comment was:

I wonder about having some sort of a Blog column where sisters can ask for input/advice, etc. about girl problems that many may have experienced and learned from.

This is such a great idea and the Sisters have a wealth of insight. Soooo, if you have something you'd like to ask the Sisters for input on, just leave a comment on the blog titled with the word 'Question' or 'Input/Advice Needed' All comments go directly to my email before they are posted. When I see that there is an issue, I will put it on the blog as a new post. Then girls can click on 'comments' and leave their input or advice. Remember, this is all anonymous. Feel free to utilize this new feature anytime. I think it will be yet another valuable component of The Sisterhood.

All-Sisterhood Luncheon

2007-12-18T12:54:00.000-08:00

The first ever All-Sisterhood Luncheon was a smashing success. Thank you for bringing such delicious things to eat--it was a feast! And thank you to Sister Anne Kiemle for hosting the fun. We had almost an hour and a half together, and it was wonderful. The Sisters were paired up with a Sister from a different lunch than theirs and had a chance to talk and get to know each other. After lunch, each Sister introduced her partner to the group. It was neat to learn new things about each other. For instance, we have a Sister who does ballroom dancing! Who knew??? After that, we played the game where each Sister had a sticker on her back with the name of a famous woman, who could also be considered a role model. Then the Sisters had to mingle around and figure out who they were by asking other Sisters questions. After this, we broke into 2 groups and did a trust fall. This is where one Sister stands in the middle of the circle, closes her eyes and falls backward--only to be supported by the hands of her Sisters--and then gets "passed" around the whole circle. This is hard for lots of people, but I think that by the end, each Sister who elected to participate felt more at ease and knew she could trust that her Sisters wouldn't let her fall.

To close, we did a kind of Sisterhood initiation--each Sister came to the front of the room, talked about what she likes about the Sisterhood and why she comes and then signed The Pants (we hang a pair of jeans outside the room where the Sisterhood Lunches will be held each week as a reminder). This was really cool and the Sisters said some insightful, touching things. Here are some of their reasons for coming to The Sisterhood:
* Genuine people are here
* I have lots of friends in the Sisterhood
* I can express myself freely there
* It's the only place I feel comfortable at this school...with my Sisters
* Everyone is really themselves here and no one cares what you wear or do
* It's where you can feel good about yourself
* It's fun and interesting and cool
* It's made it easier for me to introduce myself to new people--I used to be really shy
* I come to meet new people
* To express my feelings and be with friends
* It's my weekly girl time and I can express myself freely
* I get to meet new Sisters and hear what they think about problems at school
* To get to talk to each other
* Because there are real, genuine people here who really care about who you are
* You can say whatever you want and get away from the boys
* Open conversation and you're not afraid of what others will think--you can be yourself
* I can feel and say what I want and people don't judge
* Intelligent conversation
* It's something different--I was really cliquey before and I now I'm not as much
* It's fun

Sisters, this is all for you. This is why we have The Sisterhood. You are strong girls who will all grow into strong women. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and for trusting each other enough to be yourselves.

The Holiday Blues

2007-12-13T13:35:00.000-08:00

We started today's discussion with a comment left on last week's post about happiness. A Sister said:

"I think happiness can come both from the inside and outside...For example, it's hard to be happy when something really bad happens, and sometimes that makes you mad or sad or whatever. But still, it's possible to be happy if you have something left, like family and friends, or a hobby, because then you can have hope. Also, it's hard not to feel happy when you're surrounded by good things and a comfortable ambiance."

Good point! So, thinking about the holiday season, do you think there's an expectation to be happy all of the time? We talked about how this is sometimes challenging if you have things going on in your life that are hard, like having lost a loved one, having a loved one who is ill, or even having a friendship change. A teacher Sister thought that if you're down or blue, it's magnified during the holiday season since the expectations for happiness are higher now. Several Sisters weighed in on what is hard for them now:
* Having a family tradition change
* Lots of false happiness
* Seeing images of "the perfect family" everywhere
* Winter break is a time to hang out with friends a lot. There are also a lot of parties and it's easy to feel left out--it's a hard time.
* The financial stress of Christmas for parents--the kids feel it
* Feeling guilty about asking for stuff
* When your family has moved and everything is different

What is hard for you right now? Have you ever had the Holiday Blues?

An A Lunch Sister said, "It's always ok to be sad, no matter what time of year it is." Many agreed. I think it's being honest with yourself and it's important to give yourself permission (see first blog entry) to admit that not every day is awesome and you don't owe it to anybody to show an emotion you're not feeling. So, if you're feeling sad, go to your place of comfort, talk to the people in your life who are comforting and safe...get it off your chest. Also, look at your happiness list if you're blue--just reading that list makes me feel better.

On a positive note, one of our B Lunch Sisters is going to Cambodia with her family to spend Christmas helping in an orphanage there. How amazing is that? You Sisters never fail to amaze me with your kindness and goodness.

What Makes You Happy?

2007-12-06T12:23:00.000-08:00

First, I want to remind all of you Sisters about our first All-Sisterhood Luncheon on December 18th. It will take all of 4th period (10:48-12:14)and will be in Ms. Kiemle's room, B22. Please bring a yummy dish to share. And please remember to turn in your permission slip to Ms. Elliot by December 14. If you need a permission slip for you or a friend, they are available in the Counseling Center lobby. We are so excited about this opportunity to unite both Sisterhoods! Yaaaay!

Today, the B Lunch Sisters talked a little more about places of comfort. One Sister brought up that she wished more people had said Pine Lake was a place of comfort for them; school should be a place where people feel comfortable and safe. Since we didn't actually ask last week if PLMS was a place of comfort for you, I asked today. The B Lunch Sisters said:
* School is a home base for me.
* I feel really safe here.
* After a field trip to Seattle yesterday, I thought, 'I'm home' when we got back to Pine Lake.
* Sometimes I get sick of it, since I've been here for 3 years, but some things are fun, like Thursdays, because of the Sisterhood and other fun stuff that happens. Also, sometimes people are mean, which isn't comforting.
* I like it when teachers decorate their classrooms; it feels more homey.

A teacher Sister commented that when you choose to participate in something, like The Sisterhood, drama club, jazz band, sports, etc., you automatically have something in common with everyone else there. Since you all want to be there, it's easier to make connections with others. So, maybe within your school, you need to create little corners of comfort throughout your day by the activities you choose to participate in. Doing this can help make you happier here. And speaking of happiness...

Our activity today centered around identifying what makes us happy. We gave the Sisters 3x5 notecards and had them write down what makes them happy--quickly, without really thinking too much. We gave them 3 minutes to make their happiness list. In discussing our lists, we learned that most of the things on everyone's list didn't cost any money.

Is it ironic that sometimes we think that certain things will make us happy like a particular brand of clothes, the latest cell phone, a fancy car and a big house (someday), but that real happiness is found in the simple things? Please comment.

One Sister said that it's not so much the stuff (like clothes, for instance) that makes her happy, it's the confidence she gets from looking her best. Another Sister said that you might want something, but even more you want what comes with having it, like acceptance from others or self-confidence. What do you think?

At the end of both Sisterhoods, we went around and each Sister read an item from her happiness list. Here is a sampling of what was said:

* my family
* music
* playing the cello
* making jewelry
* noodles
* Christmas
* nailing something!
* being active
* sleeping
* climbing trees
* my kids (teacher Sister)
* my bedroom
* mu grandma's house
* being an aunt
* cookies
* conversation with a friend
* being independent
* watching snow fall
* watching my boys sleep (teacher Sister)
* candy
* my little brother
* smiling faces
* dancing
* my dog
* feeling loved and included
* contagious laughter
* musicals
* time to myself

Keep your happiness list in a safe place and look at it every once in a while. It's so easy to get caught up in the craziness of daily life, that sometimes we lose sight of what truly pleases us. It's important to make sure you take the time to enjoy the things that make you happy. As a wise teacher Sister said during A Lunch, caring for yourself makes you happy which in turn makes you more likely to want to reach out and help others.

Isn't that what being a Sister is all about?

A Special Place of Comfort

2007-11-29T12:39:00.000-08:00

Welcome back! We missed the Sisters last week, so it was good to have such a great turn-out today. The family time we just had at Thanksgiving got me thinking about our favorite places--special places of comfort. We asked the Sisters today:

*What is your favorite place to be--a place that makes you feel secure and safe?
*What is it that makes that place so special?

Here were some of the Sisters' special places of comfort:

* Her bedroom--totally her own space, a place to be alone and do what she wants without anyone bugging her
* Grandma's house--special time with Grandma, cozy, comforting
* A certain place at a beach on Lummi Island
* Hawaii with her grandparents
* California with her cousins
* The family cabin--it's old with lots of neat, old stuff in it, and family memories, too
* Germany, with her relatives
* Her neighborhood, where everyone acts like family
* Sitting high in an oak tree, looking at the city or feeling like she's floating above the clouds
* Playing in her friend's closet
* Mexico, near her grandma
* Paris, where her family was originally from generations ago; it feels like home
* Yakima, where she grew up and spent time with her grandma
* Canada, where she was born and lived until age 7
* The family room in her house, because her family gathers there to be reality tv junkies together
* The computer room where she can play on the computer, work out or do whatever
* The dining room because her mom is an amazing cook and because her family all eats there together
* The family vacation place in Whistler, because they can always relax as a family there
* Texas, where her relatives still live

We talked about how many of these special places also have special people tied them. In that, it's not just the place that is special, it's WHO you're with that makes it special, in many cases.

We also went a step further and I asked how many of you have a person you can always go to for support and to feel comforted. I also asked for how many of you is this person a female? Nearly every Sister raised her hand...this is one of the main reasons we started the Sisterhood: to help girls recognize how much support and comfort we get from each other. And how vital that is in all aspects of our lives. Our ability to connect with other girls/women adds so much to our lives every day. Think about it.

What do the comforting, important girls/women in your life mean to you? Please leave a comment. And thanks for sharing part of yourselves with the Sisterhood!

Being Kind, Being Thankful

2007-11-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks for coming today. It was wonderful to hear about the thoughtful deeds you've been doing. We talked about the importance of making kindness and helpfulness a part of your daily lives...not just something you do for a week. And it doesn't have to be anything big, either. Small kindnesses are very much appreciated, and they add up! Here were some of the kind acts that the Sisters did over the last week:

* Helped a friend's mom who had a broken ankle--pushed her wheelchair
* Complemented a teacher's shoes
* Helped someone who dropped something pick it all up
* Shared your lunch with a friend
* Gave away your special Student of the Month treat (doughnut)
* Participated in our school's food drive
* Included someone to join you in an activity
* Opened doors for people
* Stayed up and kept your sister company so she wouldn't be lonely and afraid
* Smiled at people more often

How does it feel when you do nice things for others? Please comment!

With the holidays coming up, we talked about ways you can give and help others during the season. Here are some things that some Sisters do:

* A teacher Sister shared how when she and her girlfriends go shopping every year, they always bring a handful of ones in their pockets to give to the Salvation Army bell ringers.
* Several Sisters talked about how their family 'adopts' another family to buy gifts for. One Sister shared how last year her family and some other family friends helped out several families in need, including giving family gifts on each of the twelve days of Christmas!
* One Sister trick-or-treated for UNICEF this year.
* One Sister collects toy donations and then gives them to a hospital.
* One Sister is knitting hats to donate to a homeless shelter. Her goal this year is to knit 25.
* Several Sisters have sent cards and care packages to soldiers overseas. If you'd like to send some holiday cheer to a soldier who has been injured in the war, send your card or package to:
A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Ave. NW
Washington, D.C. 20307-5001

We closed with a go-around where every Sister said something she was thankful for, since next Thursday is Thanksgiving and there will be no Sisterhood that day. Thank you for sharing. One girl said, "I'm thankful for the Sisterhood." I second that.

The Sisterhood Challenge

2007-11-08T12:35:00.000-08:00

First, I want to say thank you for all of the thoughtful, insightful comments left on last week's post. There is so much wisdom in your words and you INSPIRE me and all of the teachers who come to the Sisterhood, so THANKS!

Today, we discussed a theme that kept emerging in last week's comments. Many girls shared their desire for everyone to get to know each other and just get along and be friends. Can we do this? Is this an achievable goal? And how can we make this happen? Many Sisters would like Pine Lake to be a place where everyone is kind to each other. Maybe this goes against what most people believe about middle school, but I say, why not try? Why not try to make this a place where everyone is accepted for WHO they are...and not judged or stereotyped?

It starts small, one kind deed at a time. But I believe the Sisterhood can create a change that ripples out to all Pine Lakers. Here's how: commit yourself to doing one kind thing for a Pine Lake stranger (a student or teacher here who you don't know) over the next week. At our next Sisterhood lunch, you will each share what you did, which I think will be totally inspirational and motivating. We know it is perhaps stepping out of your comfort zone to do this, but the intrinsic reward of spreading kindness to others is so worth it. Here are some of the ideas we brainstormed today:

* If you see someone who needs help, stop and help.
* Look for someone who is alone and strike up a conversation--just make sure you sound sincere, so they don't feel invaded! Try starting the conversation by asking a question.
* Offer to hold someone's books while they get into their locker
* Hold the door for someone.
* Buy someone a Friday popcorn, anonymously.
* Give a compliment--it doesn't just have to be about appearance (although that's always nice!), but perhaps about something someone did well.
*Stick up for someone.
*Smile.

Other ideas??? Please comment. It starts here. It starts now. We can improve the whole climate of the school.

Bring it, Sister!

Stereotypes

2007-11-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today we started by discussing some of the comments left on last week's post on being judged. Several girls who left comments noted that people get judged based on stereotypes about their race, gender, etc. During our discussion, girls talked about the ways they've been stereotyped, and even how they've stereotyped others. Here were some of the ways:
*sports--hating a rival, but not really knowing her as a person
*being short
*being tall
*being "popular"
*being a "geek"

A teacher in A Lunch noted that sometimes stereotypes work for us. For instance, a mom with her kids at the airport probably won't be suspected as a terrorist. And face it, we all use steretypes at times. It's a way of catagorizing all the information that is coming at you. What's important to remember, though, is that no one likes to be judged solely on her physical characteristics, so it's important to be open about getting to know someone for who they are, not just judging them on how they look. Soooo, how do you do that? How do you bridge that gap and break the ice? Especially if you feel like someone already has enough friends and doesn't seem to be open to new ones. The Sisters in both lunches came up with these ideas:
*Just take action, approach people you want to know and ask them about themselves
*Look for common ground, something you both can relate to
*Smile
*Just say hi. That person may be feeling as insecure as you are. A small gesture like a smile or a hello can go a long way.

And realize that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's hard to put yourself out there...what if people don't like who you are? That is scary. A Sister from B Lunch said the following:
"You have to take the risk to be yourself. You have to accept your flaws...one flaw at a time, and you have to accept that you're not perfect. I don't have to be everyone's best friend and do everything. I can be myself and be a likeable person, and that's enough."

Another B Lunch Sister said,
"People like me better when I act like myself."

And yet another said,
"I think that being different should be a good thing. If we were all the same, the world would be boring."

A wise 6th grade A Lunch Sister summed it up well by saying,
"There is no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone has a flaw. It makes you different--you should celebrate it!"

Being Judged

2007-10-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

There were many insightful comments left on last week's blog entry. Some thought people were treated differently, specifically by teachers, based on popularity. It got me thinking. Have you ever felt like you were treated differently based on:
*your popularity
*your appearance
*your gender
*your age (you know how teenagers are)
*your race
*your sports ability
*your family's financial situation
*your house
etc. etc.

In A Lunch, some girls spoke up about being in a class where the teacher punished the whole class based on the misbehaviors of a few. They didn't think it was fair that perhaps, they were judged and treated the same way as the kids who behaved badly.

In both lunches girls mentioned that they've been in a class where a teacher plays favorites and they didn't like it, either.

Also in both lunches, girls talked about people underestimating or even insulting their assumed athletic ablility because they're girls--and how infuriating that was for them.

Post an anonymous comment if you've ever been judged based on WHAT you are, rather than WHO you are.

We also touched on what you could do to 'prove' the person wrong. Some girls just tried harder in their sport, in some cases, beating the boys. One girl in A Lunch said that she hugs someone who insults her--spread love not war, she said--and it works. Others talked about setting a good example in order to change minds.

We are going to start an after school Sisterhood Club where we hope to, literally, MAKE a difference. The focus will be on MAKING things with our hands, with the eventual goal being to give them away to women and children in need, like at women's shelters, for instance. We have so many talented, wise women at Pine Lake who are willing to share their craft, such as: quilting, sewing, card making, cooking, knitting/crocheting, embroidery, scrapbooking,and various other hand crafts. Working with your hands and being creative is good for the soul, and it will also be a time to continue our Sisterhood discussions in a more relaxed way. The club will start sometime in November--we're still working out the details-- and will most likely be free. Hope to see you there...learning something new, giving back to the community, MAKING a difference.

Popularity and Power

2007-10-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

We continued our discussion this week on popularity and power. We opened with a comment left on last week's entry that said:
"As for popularity, I think that maybe sometimes parents (not mine) maybe set a bad example. Not saying that all parents do, but some parents might?"

The girls then commented on ways that parents might do this. Some thoughts were:
*Parents gossiping in front of their kids.
*Parents negatively judging others based on appearance.
*Parents giving their daughters 'hints' on how to be popular.
*Parents pressuring kids to go out and be social.
*Parents buying the 'right' things to ensure their child's popularity.
*Parents putting pressure on their child to achieve.

Other thoughts? Please leave an anonymous comment.

We also talked about how sometimes when an old friend becomes more popular, she treats you differently or ditches you in public, only to act 'normal' when no one's around. There is a book in the Pine Lake Library called, My Secret Bully that discusses this scenario, as well. Many girls shared that they have had this happen and that it's really confusing. Some admitted that they put up with it, even though they don't know why they do. At B Lunch, we talked about how to handle this. Some found that it worked best to confront the friend with a question like, "Are you trying to make me feel bad?" or even a direct, "What's your problem?" Sometimes it works and the friend stops the inconsistent behavior and sometimes it doesn't work. But the point is, at least you stood up to the person, showing your own strength, regardless of the response.

So what we want to know is:
*Has this happened to you?
*How did you handle it?
*What was the outcome?

Remember, this has happened to many, many girls. It's a tough thing to go through, but please know that you're not alone.

Be strong, Sister!

October 11th Sisterhood: Popularity

2007-10-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Wow, we had some excellent, insightful discussions today in both lunches. Last week's discussion on being interesting brought up the connection between being interesting and being popular. If you're interesting, are you popular? And vice versa? Loyal blog reader, what do you think?

We also discussed the definition of popularity. Popularity can have two definitions:
1. The positive definition--when a person is genuinely kind to everyone, has varied interests, is confident and interesting, and has friends from all different groups.
2. The negative definition--when a person has high social status based on clothes, looks, and/or abilities and uses that power to control or influence others.

The Sisterhood homed in on POWER being the main difference. And that people fear the girl who uses her popularity in a negative way because she may turn on you and then no one would like you anymore.

One teacher commented that her mom teaches pre-school and has seen this excluding behavior in girls as young as 4!!! Where do girls learn this type of behavior? The Sisters commented that it comes from the media, society's expectations, and from watching older girls. Another teacher said that she believes it's about the need to feel loved and accepted and if girls are insecure about that (and who isn't sometimes?) then one way to protect themselves is to use their power to control others. What do you think?

This led to our discussion about the unwritten rules of popularity. I read a paragraph written by a 'popular' girl at our school. Here's an excerpt:

"Yes, the unwritten rules. They are a terrible thing. They cause people to go into cliques, for people to be rumored about....I personally hate these rules. I listen to these rules. I am afraid of these rules and all the people who have been taken over by the rules are no longer the same. So when you are alone, don't worry. There are others in the same boat, battling the same tsunamis and tidal waves. You may not see them, hear them or even meet them in your life but they are there, wishing for some comfort, some reassurance. So do me a favor, if someone tries to put a costume over your head, take it right off and throw it back. You know who you are and who you want to be. SO DON'T LET ANYONE DISGUISE THAT. NO ONE!!!! YOU ARE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!"

Amen, Sister!

Being Interesting

2007-10-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

The Sisterhood, October 4, 2007

Welcome! Over the last week, how many of you thought about giving yourself permission? Would anyone like to share something you gave yourself permission to do/think/feel?

Marianne Williamson once said, “It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves ‘who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”

What does that quote mean to you?

Who here has ever worried about being interesting?
What does ‘being interesting’ mean to you? What makes someone interesting?
Does your definition of interesting change, depending on who you’re talking about? For instance, is it the same for guys and girls, teens and adults?

We are all more interesting that we think are. There are lots of things about your personality, life experiences, struggles, and joys that make you unique and interesting.
If you’d like, take some time and think about what makes YOU interesting. Maybe you have an unusual scar, can do a silly human trick of some sort, have an unusual family history, a hidden talent, a collection of some sort, a fascination for off-beat movies or music, an unusual favorite food…whatever. If you'd like, leave an anonymous comment about what makes you interesting. We’ll share them at next week’s lunch.
Thanks for coming, Sisters.

Welcome to the 2007-2008 Sisterhood of the Traveling Lunches!

2007-09-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new year of Sisterhood. At our first meeting we did the activity below. We heard a lot of great comments and insights about why, as girls/women, it's hard to give ourselves permission to act or even think certain ways. Because there were so many girls at each lunch, we didn't get a chance to hear everyone's thoughts. Please feel free to read through the lesson again and post your comments. Don't worry--your name won't be on it and all comments will be read by Ms.Ramacciotti and me (Ms.Elliot)before they're posted. We plan to blog every week after the Sisterhood lunches and hope you will be a part of our online discussion, as well. Again, welcome Sister!

Giving Myself Permission

*Do you ever feel like you HAVE to be a certain way or else people will be disappointed or think less of you?
*Do you ever feel like you are too hard on yourself?
*Do you think society has more expectations of girls than of boys?

I’m going to read through a list of things that many girls feel like they would like to give themselves permission to do. Please raise your hand if you would like to give yourself permission to do any of these things. Also, take a second to look around and see who you have common ground with.

I would like to give myself permission to:
Have fun
Take risks
Focus on now, instead of focusing so much on the future
Be angry
Be talkative
Be quiet
Be kind
Love
Be loved
Feel good about my body
Be intelligent
Be selfish
Make mistakes
Achieve
Follow my own path
Show others that I am upset
Be happy
Be sad
Be free to “just be” and not worry about others’ expectations of me
Live okay in a less-than-perfect situation
Be comfortable when alone
Stop a bad behavior or harmful habit
Be imperfect
Relax
Say difficult things to someone
Take charge of my life

Were you surprised by how many times you raised your hand? Were you surprised by how many others felt the same way? What does this tell you?
Girls/women have an amazing capacity to connect with each other. And so many of our experiences/perceptions share common ground with other girls’ experiences/perceptions. As you looked around and saw who else had their hands up, you may have seen people who are different from you in many obvious ways: socially, culturally, age-wise, physically, etc. Finding that common ground with other girls tells us that we’re not alone. And we hope you will be able to make connections in this group that will open you up to connections you can make outside the group. Finding and ‘collecting’ Sisters, building that web of support and encouragement to BE WHO YOU ARE and be comfortable and at peace with yourself is our goal as leaders of this group. We are here to help you make that connection, to discuss the uniqueness (good and bad) about girls and to help you be happy about who you are—in an environment of Sisters. There is a famous quote I like that says,
“Who is my Sister? She is the one who sees the good in me.” We are here to see the good in each other, and to to share, affirm, and relate to each others’ experiences. And we want you to know that you are a part of something strong and special: The Pine Lake Sisterhood.